Friday, March 23, 2007

It's Best You Don't Ask Too Many Questions

I've been trying to think about how to give my blog a better sense of definition aside from whatever I wanted to talk about, and the best I can think of right now is that every Friday or so I'll try and post something particularly quirky. One week it could be William Shatner's rationalization about why he may not think that he is bald when even Stevie Wonder could see that he's wearing a wig. Another week, it could be stunning examples of stupidity that you may have missed, and this week it's gonna be about one of my favorite movies,"Enter The Dragon."

Evil crimelord Han was a Shaolin disciple and aside from his martial arts tournament of "truly epic proportions" and a really heinous haircut, he is noteworthy of having lost a hand in an accident. It's possible that this was a really cool plot device and a tip of the hat to "Doctor No," but then it's also possible that it has its roots in Shaolin history and out of respect to Shin Huang, a former general who after killing many in battle, became a buddhist monk who cut off his left arm to show his devotion to the teachings of Da Mo (Bodhidarma).

Then again, I'm probably reaching a bit with this part of Shaolin history, but it is interesting nonetheless. In any event, Han had at least three spare hands, one of metal, a claw hand, and a hand made of blades.

So here's the thing. Those fingers on the metal hand were pretty close together. How did he pick his nose? Sometimes you need to go in with a left-hand finger, and sometimes you go mining with a right-hand finger. This had to be frustrating for the bastard.

And then what would happen when Han felt like, well, "rubbing one out?" It's gonna suck if Han's happy hand was his left. Did he have to have a left hand curled like it was gonna grip his bits & pieces? Could he have a lotion dispenser put into it? What if he was a freak? Could he have a hand made to reach those special places?

And let's say Han was a little forgetful. Can you imagine how embarassing it would have been for him if he went out and forgot he had his "backdoor buddy probe" hand on?

Still, on the plus side, Han would have been a really effective pimp. None of his bitches would step out ouf line for fear of a pimp slap from "Lefty" Han.

This is the kind of stuff I think about. Like I said, it's best y'all don't ask too many questions.

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