Thursday, February 14, 2008

In Space, No One Can Hear You Gag

Lordy, I love spicy food. I love habanero peppers for the endorphin rush, the fire, the pain, and that you can actually taste the pepper. I grew up with some of the stinkiest stuff under the sun, kimchi. This isn't so much as a delicacy as some have generously said. It's more of a way for blind people to hate Koreans. kimchi usually consists of cabbage, garlic, salt, carrots, LOADS of red pepper, radishes, ginger, and sometimes some anchovies, and some other stuff I'm almost afraid to think about.

I kid. It's really quite tasty, but it stinks. Twice. Once when you eat it, and well, you get the idea. I read a wonderful little story on about Ko San, the first Korean about to go into space, and I had a whole mess o' questions. Take a look at this story and let it digest. I'll wait.

Here are my questions:

1) What if Mr. Ko has some terrestrial kimchi before launch, and he lets one rip in the space station? Would the bacteria in regular kimchi wreak havoc, or just stink?
2) While it stands to reason that any food going into space would have to be rigorously tested, is kimchi so volatile that it needs the stamp of approval from the Korean Atomic Energy Research Institute (KAERI)? Is there a risk of weapons grade plutonium being smuggled in a jar of kimchi?
3) The article goes on to quote an official KAERI statement that "Kimchi must be provided in a germ-free state," but God have mercy on your nose if someone lets off a ninja biscuit. Actually it's not a case of "if," but "when."
4) The articled mentioned organic produce as well as instant noodles (bastards HAD to throw that one in there, eh?) and cinnamon tea. What about bulgogi? I may be a vegan, but some of my fondest memories growing up were of Korean barbeque. How the Hell are they gonna set up the grill in space?

I'd love to see the state of the International Space Station after Mr. Ko leaves. More specifically I'd like to express my sympathy to whomever would use the zero-gravity toilet after him. Yeah, I'm playa-hatin. So what?