Memo to Sir Elton John: Shut Your Fat Gob, You Wanker

If the title seems a bit odd considering I'm not a British Subject (although I am an anglophile), allow me to explain. I wanted to make sure that if Sir Elton were to see this, he would understand. Given his recent comments in The Sun, I have serious doubts if Sir Elton would understand that he's a tired old fart. Captain and Tenille are more relevant than him.

Normally I wouldn't care two squirts of piss off a squirrel's ass what he had to say, but I was reading a story on P2Pnet about some jackass named Reginald bitching about the internet on The Sun, and how it's stifling creativity in his esteemed opinion. That jackass is self-described luddite, Sir Elton John. He even went so far as to suggest shutting down the Internet for 5 years to see what kind of art would result. If by "art" he means "mongolian clusterfuck of biblical proportions," I'm sure it would be the kind of art that would make Hieronymus Bosch giggle.

If you're scratching your heads and wondering how far Sir Elton's head is buried up his distended ringpiece, then think about this - his 60th Birthday Gala Concert was streamed over the internet. I'd certainly appreciate it if someone could explain to Sir Elton what a "hypocrite" is, but make sure not to use big words. As reported in The Sun article, sales for his latest album "The Captain & The Kid" are just creeping past 100,000 copies. Gee, I wonder if the olad fart is bitter about something.

Michelle Madigan is a Stupid Bitch, Flees in Shame at DefCon

Tell me if this makes sense to you. DefCon is a 15 year old convention drawing a huge crowd of internet security professionals, "freelancers" (gasp - hackers, perhaps?), law enforcement agents, and of course, reporters. Reporters have to pay to get in like anyone else, and they are rigorously screened. After all, you wouldn't want to attend a convention and have some jagoff reporter try and catch you admitting illegal activity on camera, would you?

But that's precisely what Michelle Madigan, a producer for NBC Dateline, wanted to do this past Friday. According to Wired, she tried to bullshit her way into DefCon to out an undercover Fed. What she didn't know or bother to research was that "Spot the Fed" is a long standing tradition at DefCon. It's all in good fun, and the Feds that do get caught usually take it in stride. They sure as shit wouldn't need her help.  She had been asked a number of times if she wanted to obtain press credentials, and she refused. Eventually they lured her into an auditorium where a "Spot the Fed" game was underway. DefCon changed the game from "Spot the Fed" to "Spot the Undercover Reporter."

Eventually the dumb skank figured out that they were on to her, and she bolted with a swarm of hackers in tow. They royally took the piss out of her, and luckily one good soul caught it all on camera. You can view the tasty clip here.

Wow. I have seen some dumb bitches in my life, but Michelle Madigan takes the cake. Was she so arrogant to think that she could bullshit her way into a convention of hackers? Hackers have turned bullshitting into an art form, and this goober thought she could pull a Jedi Mind Trick on them? Considering that she had not only pissed off a HACKER CONVENTION, and that she was hounded until she drove off, I think she'll be lucky if this is the last she'll hear of it. Gee, do you think the simple bitch should have covered up her license plates?