tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79419407688663568622024-03-12T22:41:00.344-04:00Hollow PointsSeoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.comBlogger96125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-88869185355005696572010-11-24T13:37:00.005-05:002010-11-24T13:41:23.993-05:00Screw ThanksgivingI'd like to say worse about Thanksgiving right away, but I guess it wouldn't do to title my latest rant, "FUCK THANKSGIVING." Allow me to explain.<br />
<br />
I'm a first generation American, and proud of it. My folks came to this country to study and make a better life. Through a lot of hard work they got a good life. My pop worked his ass off, and he died to give me a better life than what he could have had if he had stayed in Korea. A little over 14 years ago, my pop passed away from a protracted battle with Colo-Rectal cancer. I saw that once proud man die by inches. He passed away on 21 November 1996 - a few days before Thanksgiving.<br />
<br />
When I was a college freshman in 1985, I had to go to a local hospital for a check up. Simon's Rock of Bard College is a small liberal arts school in the Berkshires, and they didn't have the facilities, so I had to take a van ride to get sorted out. On top of that, I was 16 at the time (don't ask), so driving a van was not in question. An older student named Kevin Hodges drove me there, and his girlfriend drove on the way back. Unfortunately on the way back to campus, there was a serious accident. If I had been sitting 6 inches to the right, my head would have been cleaved in two by the guard rail that impaled the van. I was knocked unconscious and when I came to, I saw that Kevin was knocked out of the van. I later found out that he had been DOA with a big hole in his aorta. That was on Thanksgiving. On top of that, right after I came to, it took about 15 minutes before someone stopped to see if they could help. There's a van impaled on a fucking guard rail, and nobody stopped for 15 minutes. I guarantee you - Thanksgiving has had a whole different meaning for me since then, but even before the accident, Thanksgiving didn't mean shit to me.<br />
<br />
As a kid, I lived in lots of different places where there weren't a whole lot of people who looked like me. I assimilated fairly well wherever I lived, however, but holidays like Thanksgiving always pissed me the fuck off. Let me get this right - a group of white people try to escape religious persecution in Europe and head off for the new world. They settle in an area completely ill-equipped to survive and depend upon the kindness of those who lived there. In return, these people raped, pillaged, and decimated these natives. They started a culture of bum-rushing natives off the land they had, but they were kind enough to leave them with tasty smallpox and other treats.<br />
<br />
And I'm supposed to celebrate this by eating a fucking turkey, pumpkin pie with marshmallows, cranberry sauce, and shitloads of other stuff that I normally wouldn't eat any other time of the year? I'm supposed to eat like a fucking pig when people are starving around the world? FUCK and NO. Even before I went vegan, I never liked turkey. My mother is a great cook (no matter how much I kid her) but she never liked preparing turkey. I grew up thinking that most people ate turkey during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now if you like eating turkey throughout the year, that's one thing, but it's pretty goddamn mean spirited to go out of your way to whack a bird and eat it when you normally wouldn't just because it's part of some bullshit tradition. On top of that, it's fucking stupid. I'm not helping celebrate a bunch of hypocrites as part of a cultural tradition almost 4 centuries old that has NO bearing on my life. I don't remember there even being a lot of Koreans on the Mayflower. If Miles Standish was Miles Kim or Miles Chung, then I could see how some might see a connection between Koreans, turkey, and giblet gravy, but nope. Not my fucking ancestors, not my fucking tradition, and don't shove that horseshit down my throat. <br />
<br />
After all I've been through, I'm thankful every goddamn day I'm above ground. I'm thankful for my girlfriend Dawn, my friends, my mother, and my pets. I don't need some bullshit holiday to remind me of that.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-12684206938903723442010-06-04T10:36:00.002-04:002010-06-04T10:49:21.289-04:00Hello, I'm Korean and I love Donuts, but WTF?Recently on The Travel Channel, there was a special on donuts. I was drooling like Homer Simpson. I fucking love donuts, but as I'm still trying to drop some weight, I gotta stay away from donuts. <br /><br />Then there's also the added problem of some ingredients not being vegan. I'd have to check, but it's a fair assumption to make that unless specified, most confections are made with traditional necrovore-friendly sugar. That is to say sugar <i>bleached through the charred remains of animal bones.</i> <br /><br />Yuck,<br /><br />Then I saw this list of <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-most-unusual-dunkin-donuts-from-around-the-wor">Most Unusual Dunkin Donuts from Around the World.</a> The list starts off on a great note with Mojito and Banana Daiquiri flavor donuts, but shit goes downhill real fucking fast. I have a few questions:<br /><br />1) Who would have thought that Dunkin Donuts had such a stranglehold on the world? <br />2) Do cops from other countries have their own favorites? <br />3) Did NOBODY in Dunkin Donuts R&D get the fucking memo that Koreans + donuts = fail?<br /><br />To back up my last question, I present this evidence:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2010/6/3/13/enhanced-buzz-3312-1275585202-11.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 600px; height: 444px;" src="http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2010/6/3/13/enhanced-buzz-3312-1275585202-11.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Yes, that's not only a Garlic Donut, but a Garlic GLAZED Donut.<br />But that's not the worst part.<br /><br />This is.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2010/6/3/13/enhanced-buzz-3305-1275586309-11.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 584px; height: 439px;" src="http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2010/6/3/13/enhanced-buzz-3305-1275586309-11.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />A Kimchee-Filled Donut. Sweet Sonny Chiba, WHAT THE BLESSED FUCK?Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-9608237199615373552010-04-25T14:20:00.003-04:002010-04-25T14:27:57.255-04:00My Sentiments Exactly, Dude<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/S9SISfHTLhI/AAAAAAAAAHc/TZLtGKZuxgU/s1600/Backstroke.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 145px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/S9SISfHTLhI/AAAAAAAAAHc/TZLtGKZuxgU/s320/Backstroke.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5464142099078393362" /></a><br /><br />This was taken from the infamous "Episode III: Backstroke of the West," or "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" translated into Chinese by a bunch of crackheads. English subtitles were done by more crackheads, and some enterprising jackass took out the Chinese language track, and added back in the original English language track. Oh yeah - the also added bogus timecode bars up top to make it look like an official workprint.<br /><br />Hilarious.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-61224975596604163212010-04-24T11:51:00.005-04:002010-04-24T12:50:23.008-04:00Patrick Pogan Is a Moron and Deserves Hard TimeAccording to this <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/24/nyregion/24pogan.html?scp=1&sq=patrick%20pogan&st=cse">New York Times article,</a> FORMER NYPD rookie cop Patrick Pogan, Jr. testified a line of bullshit about why he cross-checked bicyclist Christopher Long during a Critical Mass roving bicycle advocacy rally on July 25th, 2008. The facts of this case aren't as subject to interpretation as Patrick Pogan Jr's defense would like because THE FACTS were recorded and posted to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUkiyBVytRQ">YouTube.</a><br /><br />Allow me to clarify a couple of points here and add some facts that John Eligon, the author of the New York Times article, was either unaware of or decided not to include. The Pogan family has been a part of the NYPD for two generations before Patrick Jr. took a steaming dump on his family name. In fact, his father was not only a highly decorated NYPD cop, but he served on the Joint Terrorism Task Force. Patrick Sr. was recognized by federal law enforcement agencies for his work after the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. You'd think that with that sort of legacy, Patrick Jr. would have known what to do. Christ, at the time he fucked up, Patrick Jr. was living with his father. <br /><br />Patrick Jr. was only on his 11th day on the job (having graduated from the New York Police Academy on or about July 14th, 2008) when he bum rushed Christopher Long. Patrick Jr. was assigned to the Midtown South precinct, an area of New York City that is generally light in bona fide criminal threats. It is generally considered to be a cake walk. Patrick Jr's defense claimed that Mr. Long was on a direct collision course for him and that he was being abusive, screaming, and flipping both middle fingers to the him. Determining the exact extent of his claims isn't going to be too tough because there's video evidence. On top of that, Patrick Jr's partner (or at the least another cop) was standing further into traffic than Junior was, and he didn't flip out and fuck up a cyclist. Gee - maybe he wasn't a FUCKING MORON, Patty boy.<br /><br />Mr. Eligon paints a rather distorted picture of both Patrick Pogan, Jr. and Christopher Long by presenting completely irrelevant facts about both parties. Yes, Christopher Long struck and killed an elderly pedestrian with his car in North Carolina. Was he driving a car when Patrick jr. beat him out of traffic in 2008? Nope. Was he even riding his bike recklessly? NOPE. Christopher Long also was discharged from the US Army for testing positive for marijuana. Was he stoned when Patty boy smacked him off his bike in 2008? NOPE. But hey, Patty boy was an emergency medical technician who saved the life of a 56 year old man from cardiac arrest. Guess what, Patty boy? THAT WAS YOUR FUCKING JOB. What the fuck - do you want a cookie and a pat on the back for doing your job as an EMT? Should I buy you a drink? Considering what a dumbass he was and how quickly he fucked up his career with the NYPD, I'm surprised he knows which end of a syringe to put in someone. <br /><br />Mr. Eligon also stated that Patrick Jr. also was an altar boy. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Wow. So there was a good chance that he could have been molested. I guess we should give him a cookie for that, right Mr. Eligon? In fact, at NO POINT WHATSOFUCKINGEVER does Mr. Eligon make any mention of the fact that Patrick Pogan Sr. is a legitimate New York Police Hero. How the fuck isn't this relevant? Maybe because people might wonder how could a hero cop have such a dumb fucking kid? He didn't mention that at the time, Christopher Long was a green grocer in New York City's Union Square and had long been regarded as quiet and mild mannered. Yeah, that's not relevant either. Mr. Eligon. <br /><br />If convicted, Patrick Pogan, Jr. faces up to 4 years in prison. You might think there's no way a former NYPD cop is gonna do that length of time, but then again you might think there's no way even a rookie cop could be that fucking dumb. I hope he not only does time but gets ass raped, shanked, and ass raped some more . Fuck you Patrick Pogan, jr. And Patrick Sr? Fuck you twice for not pulling out and glazing your wife's face instead of giving birth to a disgrace of a cop.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-18754119489096693822010-04-16T21:17:00.002-04:002010-04-16T21:40:17.540-04:00Hell Can't Be Painful Enough for Daryl GatesBack in the mid-90s during my time as a book editor, I was invited to attend a software rollout event at a midtown Manhattan hotel. The software line was Sierra Online, and they were responsible for titles like "Leisure Suit Larry," "King's Quest," and "Gabriel Knight," (I'm old enough to remember Sierra Online from their seminal titles for the Apple II Plus). They had released a series of police thriller games called "Police Quest." In 1995, the first four games were re-released with the dubious cache of a celebrity cop endorsement. <br /><br />Daryl Gates.<br /><br />As in "Los Angeles Police Chief Daryl Gates" who guarded the City of Angels literally with an iron grip during the Rodney King riots. <br /><br />I have no fucking idea why Sierra Online thought it would be a good idea to have one of the biggest, dirtiest, least ethical cops to be the spokeswhore for a computer game. That's like having a fucking Nazi in the Vatican. <br /><br />Oh wait.<br /><br />At that software show, I watched a monitor showing off gameplay from a "Police Quest" game, and I felt grossly uneasy. The only way I could describe it was I sincerely felt a disturbance in the Force, and it was standing right behind me. It was Daryl Gates. He explained to me the "pioneering" work he had done with SWAT teams. He thought a double tap wasn't good enough, and he proceeded to poke me in both shoulders and the forehead to demonstrate a "triple tap" to effectively and permanently drop a target with three bullets.<br /><br />I felt nauseated that he touched me and I was debating bludgeoning him in a room full of witnesses before I pitched him out the window, down a couple floors and into Midtown Manhattan traffic.<br /><br />But today I read on <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/04/16/obit.gates/index.html">Cnn.com</a> that Daryl Gates died from bladder cancer. I hope it was fucking painful, and it's appropriate that one of the biggest pricks in law enforcement died from problems with his pecker.<br /><br />Burn in Hell, Daryl Gates. You have left an indelible stain on any cop around the world. Burn in Hell motherfucker.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-89095316905038872312010-03-25T22:38:00.005-04:002010-03-25T22:56:38.778-04:00Shatner 2.0 Maybe?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/S6wiGIkGlVI/AAAAAAAAAHU/PxZQRX1eiOc/s1600/Zmed.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 258px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/S6wiGIkGlVI/AAAAAAAAAHU/PxZQRX1eiOc/s320/Zmed.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5452770737612297554" /></a><br />I've heard an ugly rumor that there's supposed to be a "T.J. Hooker" movie. I'm not fucking around. I mean if "Rise of the Dragon" is going to be for all intents and purposes a sacrilegious remake/update/reboot of "Enter the Dragon," then why not a fatassed Cannuck gripping onto a car hood for dear life....AGAIN? <br /><br />For one thing, I doubt that there is a mass production level of vehicular shock suspension short of the military that could support the greatness that is Shatner. By "greatness," I mean "hypnotically morbidly obese ass crack."<br /><br />While Shatner languishes in cable television Hell with his "edgy" face-to-face interview show, he at least had the smarts not to take part of J.J. Abrams' batter-fried glitter dipped demon cock that is the "Star Trek" reboot. How massive was this clusterfuck of special effects, Wagnerian music, and childhood memory assrape? It was so massive that Harlan Ellison (one of the most iconic figures in the Star Trek firmament and the man who wrote the "City on the Edge of Forever" script) said he'd love to work with J.J. Abrams on a sequel. For those who don't know, Harlan Ellison is an angry old fucker with unimpeachable genre writing history. He's long bristled at the pervasive insistence that he as a writer <i>must</i> use technology more advanced than his MANUAL typewriter. I lost all respect for Harlan Ellison when I heard that, and when I heard that Shatner resisted the lure of being in one more "Star Trek" movie, I gained a little bit more respect for one of the greatest singers of our time.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-26700682103098665732010-03-17T19:40:00.003-04:002010-03-17T20:46:14.605-04:00Organic Vegan Tofu Summer RollsAfter <a href="http://thingunderthebed.blogspot.com/2010/03/organic-vegan-buckwheat-noodle-tofu.html">whipping up a Thai-inspired noodle dish,</a> I decided to take things a couple steps further and attempt Summer Rolls and not Spring Rolls because I was trying to stay as far away from deep fried as possible. As Dennis Hopper said in a "Saturday Night Live" opening monologue, "There was always one thing I stayed away from - fried food. Laugh now, but that last donut killed Elvis."<br /><br />To tweak my earlier recipe, work from that, but with the following adjustments. Read through this recipe from beginning to end before starting because some of the later sections overlap. <br /><br />N.B. All ingredients should be organic. If you can find organic toasted sesame seed oil, I tip my hat to you. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Sauce</span><br />Non-emulsified peanut butter<br />1 large lemon<br />3 cloves garlic, minced<br />grated ginger (to taste)<br />powdered cayenne pepper<br />salt<br />toasted sesame seed oil<br /><br />Using a tea strainer to catch the seeds, juice the lemon into a large bowl. Discard the seeds, but toss the pulp in. Add three to four liberally heaping spoonfuls of peanut butter along with a few pinches of salt and a few dashes of toasted sesame seed oil. Depending upon how masochistic you are, use a few shakes of chili powder along with the diced garlic cloves and mix well. The sauce should be rather thick. Set aside and prepare your veggies:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Veggies</span><br />3 green onions, diced<br />1 large carrot, grated<br />4 cloves garlic, minced<br />1 fistful of fresh basil w/ stems, minced<br />1 small fistful of curly parsley, minced<br />1 slightly larger fistful of cilantro, minced<br />A few handfuls of roughly chopped up organic raw peanuts, shelled (duh)<br /><br />After mincing, dicing, and grating up your veggies, mix them together and mix in a couple spoonful of the sauce. It won't mix as well as you'd think, and you will eventually need some more toasted sesame seed oil (you did save some, right?).<br /><br />N.B. Organic raw peanuts aren't as difficult to find as you would think. They are more expensive, however, and they're smaller than conventional peanuts, but they're tastier and absofuckinglutely worth it in my mind.<br /><br />If you're feeling artsy-fartsy, you may want to use a few extra big ass basil leaves in between the filling and the rice paper wraps. I was just nervous about fucking up the rice paper wraps having never worked with them before. More on those later.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Tofu,My Brothas & Sistas</span><br />1 pound extra firm tofu, drained & diced<br /><br />Heat up a wok, <i>but do NOT add any oil yet</i>. Using a good sharp kitchen utility knife, slice the block of tofu into about 4 - 5 sheets before cutting into smaller cubes. Toss the tofu into the wok and sear until it begins to stick to the pan (depending upon your wok and how hot it is, this should take a few minutes). Add in a couple spoonfuls of the sauce and add in a few tosses of the toasted sesame seed oil. Mix so that the sauce and oil is evenly distributed. Remove from heat and toss into your veggies. Mix thoroughly. If you have any sauce left, mix that in with a couple shakes of toasted sesame seed oil. You want the mixture to be chunky but not unwieldy. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Noodles</span><br />I used a box of Annie Chung's Pad Thai rice noodles. They don't have to be that particular brand I guess, and from what I saw at Whole Foods, the different Pad Thai rice noodle packages all seemed about the same size.<br /><br />Start boiling water for the noodles in a deep pot right before you heated up the wok. Once the water reaches a rapid boil, toss in the noodles. Cook for about 5 minutes, then drain teh noodles in a colander before returning to the pot to "shock" cool them down in ice cold water. You may have to drain again and shock the noodles again until they're cool. At that point drain the noodles well, and return to the pot. Cut them up with a pair of scissors. The reason for this is that you want them to be small enough to be spooned onto the rice paper skins. Mix the cut up noodles into your veggies & sauce mixture. <br /><br />You're pretty much done except for the last part.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Rice Paper Skins<span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span><br />Finding these wasn't too difficult at Whole Foods. You might also find them easily at a Vietnamese or Thai grocery store. <br /><br />While they look stiff and mildly flexible, After soaking them, they're easy to use. They don't tear all that easily, so don't be frightened by their filmy nature after soaking them. You'll need a small shallow pan of cool water. Soak the rice paper skins <i>one by one</i> in the pan for a few seconds. Place the wet, filmy skin on your plate, spoon in the noodles & veggies mix, and wrap it up as you would a burrito.<br /><br />With some practice, you should be able to wrap these up to set aside in a container for another meal or picnic. The mixture should serve about 4 hungry bastards, and you should still have some leftover skins. Keep the leftovers dry in a bag.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-45725154728822473292010-03-12T08:16:00.006-05:002010-03-12T08:49:36.125-05:00Organic Vegan Buckwheat Noodle Tofu SaladI was debating what to title this. It's not really Thai, but I suppose it's "Thai-inspired." It's incredibly easy to make, but you'll need to get things in order to pull it off quickly.<br /><br />N.B. Ingredients should be organic whenever possible. The only thing I wasn't able to find organically was the toasted sesame oil. <br /><br />INGREDIENTS:<br />1 package Buckwheat Noodles (three bundles)<br />Non-emulsified peanut butter<br />3 large green onions<br />1 handful curly parsley<br />1 large lemon<br />1 large carrot<br />4 cloves garlic<br />ginger (to taste)<br />chili powder (to taste)<br />1 pound extra firm tofu<br />salt<br />fresh basil<br /><br />NOTES: The peanut butter I used was organic from Woodstock Farms. It was non-emulsified with a layer of oil on top. This means you'll have to stir it up in the jar before using. It also usually means that this kind of peanut butter will be a wee bit looser than conventional peanut butter (great for sauces, but not as great for a PBJ sammich). I've also found that it's a bit looser than freshly-ground peanut butter.<br /><br />DIRECTIONS:<br />Heat up a wok, but do not add oil. Dice the tofu and sear the tofu until crispy. Stir every now and then to prevent sticking to the wok. While the tofu is cooking, Put about three big heaping spoonfuls of peanut butter in a mixing bowl. If I had to guess, I'd say use about 2/3rds of a cup. Juice the lemon and remove the seeds. Mix that into the peanut butter. Add the toasted sesame oil. Add salt, chili powder, and freshly grated ginger to taste. This mixture should have the consistency of a thick sauce, so you may need to add more toasted sesame oil. When the tofu is crispy, place it in a bowl to cool. <br /><br />Start boiling water for the noodles in a large pot. While you're waiting for the water to roil, mince the garlic and add to the sauce. Grate the carrot and mince the parsley and green onions. Add to the sauce along with the tofu. Mix together. Boil the buckwheat noodles for a few minutes until <i>al dente</i>. Drain, and then soak for about a minute in ice cold water. Drain again. Return noodles to pot and then mix in the sauce. Roughly chop up a couple handfuls of fresh basil and add.<br /><br />Serves 4.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-25633769994921977202010-03-08T11:26:00.003-05:002010-03-08T11:58:46.098-05:00Goddamn, I Hate George RomeroAin't much in life that can put a smile on my face easier than a bunch of zombies. I love zombies, and more specifically, seeing them get fucked up with shotguns, baseball bats, chainsaws, garden tools - anything. <br /><br />You'd think that because of my penchant for the undead, that I'd love the movies of George Romero. <br /><br />You'd be dead fucking wrong.<br /><br />George Romero is revered as the Godfather of horror movies having churned out "Night of the Living Dead," "Dawn of the Dead," "Day of the Dead," and a bunch more. The problem is that he was too fucking stupid (or stoned or both) to copyright "Night of the Living Dead." You can find a shitload of different legal releases of "Night of the Living Dead," and Romero ain't gonna see more than a squirt of piss off of them. He also freely admits to ripping off Richard Matheson's seminal vampire novel <i>I Am Legend</i> as the "inspiration" for "NOTLD." <br /><br />OK, so he's an idiot and a thief. Big deal. So's George Lucas. Maybe he can churn out a decent zombie movie, right? <br /><br />Nope. <br /><br />I looked around for "Dawn of the Dead," and I found out that there were at least three different edits of the movie. The special effects were apparently deemed too gory to get an "R" rating from the MPAA in 1978. I finally saw a fanedit (and no, I'm not telling how or where) of "Dawn of the Dead" that incorporated all three different cuts, and I don't necessarily have a problem with the gore or the cheesy makeup. The pacing sucked. It looked as if Romero bit off more than he could chew. There was no real consistent sense of impending doom from the undead. There were a few memorable bits but on the whole, it was boring as fuck. I'm not buying into the praise of "DOTD" as a critique of modern consumerism. Zack Snyder handled that a LOT better in his 2004 remake, and the remake was a lot scarier. No, Romero failed to understand the transition from the claustrophobic environment in "NOTLD" to a wide open shopping mall in "DOTD." <br /><br />In 1996, Capcom released their "survival horror" video game "Resident Evil" (known in Japan as "Biohazard"). There were monsters, traps, and VERY hungry zombies. Speculation began almost immediately about a movie, and while it took a long time to make through "development Hell," 2002 saw the first "Resident Evil"-inspired movie. It and the subsequent movies weren't entirely faithful, but it could have been a lot worse. George Romero was the fanboy favorite to direct, and I remember there was some outrage that he wasn't actually going to direct it. The "Resident Evil" movie was far from briliant, but I can't imagine how much it would have reeked of fomunda cheese if that overrated Roger Corman-knockoff directed it.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-13595070519132465512010-03-07T09:09:00.006-05:002010-03-08T11:22:58.554-05:00Super Godfather Fighter Turbo!I remember when Electronic Arts released their first game based on Francis Ford Coppola's movie series, "The Godfather," Coppola himself shit a brick in protest bitching about it being too violent, yadda yadda yadda. <br /><br />Firstly, I strongly feel that Francis Ford Coppola is a huge fucking bitch, and I would love precious little more than to bludgeon his ass with a lead pipe, and that's <i>before</i> I'd get creative with his suffering.<br /><br />Secondly, I'm assuming that one of the reasons he may have bitched about the game was the money he stood to make off it in terms of licensing.... unless he didn't stand to receive a piece of the action in licensing deals in which case he's free to disparage the game because he doesn't stand to make all that much dough from it. Marlon Brando's last work was literally for "The Godfather" video game. That's one Hell of a "va fangu" to Coppola's "artistic vision."<br /><br />Thirdly, the movie series was incredibly violent for its time. Carlo Rizzi getting a royal asswhooping, Sonny getting perforated on the Causeway, Moe Greene getting shot through the eye - what was that, fucking Sunday School? I guess the Bonnano family (upon whom the book and subsequent movies were based) ruled the Mafia with hugs and kisses, right?<br /><br />Finally, Coppola's vision of Mario Puzo's epic crime novel <i>The Godfather</i> was a bastardization of the source material. The first two movies were great, but it's a little known fact that there was a shitload of finished footage (75 minutes worth) that Coppola hacked out of "The Godfather, Part II." This footage was re-edited AT COPPOLA'S BEHEST (while he was filming "Apocalypse Now") He did this in order to make a television version of "The Godfather" to raise money for "Apocalypse Now" which was apparently insanely over budget. The first two movies were re-edited chronologically from when young Vito Andolini left Sicily to Michael Corleone pondering what's left of his family empire. While this was a wonderful achievement, it was still a tribute and reinterpretation of Mr. Puzo's original novel. You may wonder why this re-edit hasn't seen release in ages (outside of being on Bravo every now and then). I'm guessing it's because NBC may have a stake in the home video rights, and they're not playing ball. Any claim Coppola wants to make about being true to the source material is rendered fucking moot by his own greed.<br /><br />I would like to see Coppola squirm and bitch even more with a Godfather fighting game. None of this "work your way up the Corleone crime family chain of command" shit. I mean an honest-to-God fighting game like Capcom's "Street Fighter" and Bandai Namco's "Tekken" series. Between the three movies, there's a shitload of main and ancillary characters. You might have to prove yourself by training against Al Neri, Sal Tessio, Rocco Lampone, Michael's unnamed bodyguard, and the formidable Luca Brasi. You could pit Sonny against Carlo Rizzi - AGAIN. Mamma Corleone could beat the fuck out of Fredo with a rolling pin. How weird (and yet oddly satisfying) would it be to have young Peter Clemenza fight <i>"Fat"</i> Clemenza? I'd love to see Apollonia Vitelli Corleone unleash her Sicilian rage against Kay Adams Corleone. There could be handicapping like if Connie Corleone got to fight Carlo Rizzi, she could have a 25% - 50% power bonus (tough shit Carlo. That's what you get for cheating on your wife and beating her). If by some randomization Mary Corleone had to fight Vincent Mancini, she'd fuck him afterwards.<br /><br />But most of all, I'd like to see a gang beating of <strike>Mary Corleone</strike> Sofia Coppola.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-25664601196407078672010-01-22T20:04:00.003-05:002010-01-22T20:34:08.117-05:00Unclean Stuff I Think AboutMan, I used to love the Smurfs. Little blue gnomes living peacefully in a mushroom village...I'm fairly certain that before the cartoons came out on NBC on Saturday mornings a lifetime ago, I knew that it was a hit comic strip in Europe. I remember having the Windsurfing Smurf. <br /><br />Somewhere between that idyllic moment and not, I became a cynical, angry motherfucker of a jackass, and I think about weird shit.<br /><br />Like that skank Smurfette. She was such a goddamned slut. You live in the woods, there are predators and at least one mincy little bitch of an evil wizard Hellbent on eating Smurfs, and there's a skanky blue 'ho in pumps? And let me get this straight - 100 MALE Smurfs, and 1 FEMALE Smurf. Can anyone say "Bluekakke?"<br /><br />Maybe I'm imagining things, but aside from Poppa Smurf and <strike>Paris Hilton</strike> Smurfette, the rest of the Smurfs were bald. Yeah, I know about Sassette. That little ginger Smurf can kiss my ass.<br /><br />Who could forget Jokey Smurf, the crazy little fucker who liked watching shit explode? When the fuck did al Quaeda get a splinter cell amongst the Smurfs? <br /><br />Was Hefty Smurf overcompensating for something? I mean statistically, at least 10 of those Smurfs had to be gay. <br /><br />Poppa Smurf should have checked Dreamy Smurf's arms for track marks. I'm guessing he was rocking the white horse.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-39509911738569370462010-01-14T21:45:00.002-05:002010-01-14T22:19:25.706-05:00Farewell to Bob Shamrock - A Saint Among Men<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.knucklepit.com/_tbob%20shamrock2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 363px;" src="http://www.knucklepit.com/_tbob%20shamrock2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />(Big Props to Knucklepit.com)<br /><br />This is Bob Shamrock (right) and his son Ken, legendary UFC Hall of Famer. Bob passed away today at the home of Ken and his wife Tonya. There's a <a href="http://www.mmaweekly.com/absolutenm/templates/dailynews.asp?articleid=10499&zoneid=13">great obituary</a> on one of my favorite MMA websites, <a href="http://www.mmaweekly.com">MMAWeekly.com.</a> Bob died from a long-term battle with Diabetes, and he was fortunate to have passed on in the company of friends and family. <br /><br />"Family." <br /><br />Let that word settle in for a moment, because Bob has a huge family to match the depth of his heart. He opened up his home in Susanville, California to hundreds of boys that society had turned their backs on. Foster kids, runaways, and even guys as fucked up as Ken Wayne Kilpatrick who at the tender age of 13 already had a police record including armed robbery. Bob saw sports as an outlet for his boys, and whatever they needed, Bob gave. It may not have been the best education money could buy, but it was good, and it was what he could afford. A college education may not have been at Stanford, but it was a college education, and Bob footed the bill. FOR ALL HIS BOYS. <br /><br />On Ken's 18th birthday, Bob legally adopted him, and out of respect Ken legally changed his name to Shamrock. Frank Allsio Juarez III came to the Shamrock Boys Home under similar conditions as Ken, and Frank also changed his name to Shamrock out of respect for the man who had done so much for him. Frank went on to become a legendary MMA fighter. <br /><br />Farewell, Bob. Your charity and generosity have given hope to hundreds of boys. You are a true inspiration and a saint.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-18214635232557137502010-01-01T10:38:00.004-05:002010-01-01T11:19:53.525-05:00My God, It's Full of StarsAnd with those fateful words, David Bowman, protagonist of Sir Arthur C. Clarke's science fiction classic <span style="font-style:italic;">2001: A Space Odyssey,</span> dove into the unknown. I may be amongst a minority of science fiction fans when I say this, but I didn't hate Peter Hyams' "2010: The Year We Make Contact," (the sequel to Stanley Kubrick's film"2001"). In fact, I loved it. I may also be in a minority of film and movie buffs when I say that I do not deify Stanley Kubrick. Out of his body of work that I've seen ("The Shining," "2001," "Dr. Strangelove," and "Full Metal Jacket") I only really liked "Full Metal Jacket." I have no desire to see any of his other films based on "Gosh - it's Stanley Kubrick's [FILL IN THE BLANK]! I have to see it because he's a fucking genius!" No, he isn't. He may have had a great eye, and a great sense of direction, but he also made a lot of thematic changes to both "The Shining" and "2001." I'm convinced that he had something to do with the missing footage of "2001" being truly <span style="font-style:italic;">missing</span> and indeed actually destroyed. He made it nearly impossible for anyone to think about those books without the movies first, and that is a crime I will never EVER forgive. Yes, Peter Hyams' "2010" is guilty of the same crimes I levy against Mr. Kubrick, but with all due apologies to Mr. Hyams, nobody is putting him on the same lofty pedestal as Stanley "Film God" Kubrick. I remember seeing "2001" a bunch of times before I worked up the courage to read the book. It was one weird fucking movie. "2010" inspired me to read the book <span style="font-style:italic;">2010: Odyssey Two</span> immediately, and it gave me a deeper appreciation for Sir Arthur C. Clarke.<br /><br />But I digress.<br /><br />Peter Hyams' "2010" and the original book are noteworthy for a number of points, but as it is New Year's Day, I thought I'd reflect upon the ones that came to mind foremost: politics and optimism. The background of "2010" is set against a US-Soviet conflict that goes hot rather quickly. "Soviets," not "Russians," or "Chinese" (which would have been more appropriate given the book). This is amusing in our current world, one which is literally a generation since the books publication in 1983. Mr. Hyams deftly uses the book to weave his own story of optimism and doesn't seem to forget the central message behind Sir Arthur C. Clarke's Monolith story device. It was meant to spur the next step in evolution, to inspire us to grow and go farther than we thought possible. What better way to think about optimism than against the backdrop of World War III? <br /><br />And David Bowman (who had since he uttered those fateful words had become closer to his antagonist, the HAL 9000 computer as well as what we <span style="font-style:italic;">could</span> become) visited his former wife and his mother to let them know in what limited way they might be able to understand that "something wonderful" was going to happen. I cried during those scenes the first time I saw the movie, and I still cry when I see it. Such a wonderful message of optimism was released in a year when we were still entrenched in US-USSR agitprop bullshit. It would take us a generation to get out from under the shadow of Reagan-Bush and Bush-Cheney, and maybe now we finally have reason to have hope. Maybe now we can believe that it <span style="font-style:italic;">is</span> full of stars.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-56634040431384976402009-12-29T06:45:00.003-05:002009-12-29T07:05:18.850-05:00Payback's A Bitch, Isn't It, Lars Ulrich?Even though he's a famous douchebag, and because of his station in life as a "famous douchebag" it would be customary to put up a picture, I fucking hate Lars Ulrich, so no picture for Lars. Just on his name alone, you'd expect to see a guy who looks like he could kick Thor, Norse God of Thunder, square in the nutsack. The sad thing is that he looks like a cross between an angry dwarf and an oatmeal cookie. <br /><br />According to <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/12/28/tinnitus.metallica.drummer/index.html">this recent CNN.com article</a>, Lars Ulrich has <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tinnitus">tinnitus</a> a common auditory condition that can result in hearing a phantom high pitched tone. It's apparently very common, especially in sell-out, over-the-hill heavy metal rock band drummers.<br /><br />The article states that for the 35 years he's been playing, he never used to use ear protection. <br /><br />Boo. Fucking. Hoo.<br /><br />And then the article goes on to say that he now uses earplugs while performing. I guess we should give li'l Lars a cookie and a gold star! Yay for Lars!<br /><br />And apparently in the article, Lars Ulrich is concerned about "young people" with their new-fangled iPods. Where was Lars' concern when Metallica sold out big time to make a "Guitar Hero" video game? And this is the same benevolent Lars who whined like a greedy little bitch about kids illegally downloading Metallica songs via now-irrelevant file sharing service Napster and other similarly nefarious services?<br /><br />Fuck you, Lars. Oh I forgot, you're hard of hearing now. FUCK YOU, LARS.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-30243207042711841172009-12-22T22:48:00.006-05:002009-12-22T23:28:26.316-05:00Oh Great. No US Release for "Hachi: A Dog's Tale"I first heard about Hachiko, an Akita dog, via Japanprobe.com I generally dislike Japanprobe now, because I find them to be biased, irresponsible, and a big group of pompous douchebags. Kind of like Fox News. <br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hachiko">Hachiko</a> was owned by Hidesaburo Ueno, an agricultural professor at the University of Tokyo in the 1920s. Hachiko would see his buddy off at the front porch, and every day, Hachiko would be waiting at nearby Shibuya Station for the good professor. Hachiko knew which train his buddy would be on and when to wait for him.<br /><br />Unfortunately one day in May, 1925, Professor Ueno died of a massive stroke in the middle of class. Nobody told Hachiko. <br /><br />People that saw Hachiko and the good professor at Shibuya Station would bring Hachiko food while he waited. <br /><br />FOR TEN YEARS. <br /><br />Hachiko died waiting for Professor Ueno. <br /><br />In 1987, Hachiko's story was made into a movie called "Hachiko Monogatari." If this sounds familiar to my fellow geeks, it should. Hachiko's story was the inspiration for the "Jurassic Bark" episode of Matt Groening's science ficiton cartoon series "Futurama." <br /><br />On August 8th, 2009, "Hachiko: A Dog's Story" was released in Japan. It was directed by Lasse Hallstrom and starred Richard Gere, Joan Allen, and Jason Alexander. <br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jNyyfcF6qjA&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jNyyfcF6qjA&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br />In addition to directing virtually every ABBA music video, Mr. Hallstrom directed critically acclaimed films like "My Life As A Dog," "What's Eating Gilbert Grape," "The Cider House Rules," and "Chocolat."<br /><br />You'd think that with that sort of cast and director, and that the story was Americanized and shot in Rhode Island, that a US theatrical release would be a no-brainer. Film geeks would go on to presume that because this is a tearjearker with great talent behind it, that it would be a Winter release and thus a sure bet for Golden Globe and Oscar nomination. <br /><br />You'd be DEAD FUCKING WRONG. <br /><br />Apparently some group of retarded assclowns calling themselves Consolidated Pictures Group had secured the rights to distribute this in the US. Unfortunately, they claimed they didn't have the time or money to properly publicize this movie, and they sold the distribution rights to Sony. The upshot of this is that while it has seen theatrical release in virtually every other fucking corner of the world, the closest the US is gonna get is waiting until January, schlepping out to a Wal-Mart, and picking up the DVD. Anybody who doesn't want to go to Wal-Mart will have to wait a bit longer than that.<br /><br />No, I'm not kidding. <br /><br />I was seriously looking forward to seeing this in the theater. I was looking forward to this more than seeing "Avatar," motherfuckers. So now I have to wait until after Wal-Mart's exclusivity retail deal on this ends before I can find it on Amazon.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-89947658616948701552009-10-29T07:58:00.003-04:002009-10-29T08:08:12.096-04:00Ummm... Ken, Is There Something You Need To Tell Us?One of my new favorite sites is <a href="http://www.toplessrobot.com">ToplessRobot.</a> As a playa-hatin' geek, I love their sense of humor even if I don't agree with them all the time. Some of the shit they find is pretty damned funny and pretty damned scary. <br /><br />Like this:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.entertainmentearth.com/images//AUTOIMAGES/MTT3285lg.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 500px;" src="http://www.entertainmentearth.com/images//AUTOIMAGES/MTT3285lg.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />The abomination you're seeing there is "Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken" As in Barbie's <strike>boyfriend</strike>beard, Ken.<br /><br />No, this wasn't a "you've gotta be fuckin' kidding me" joke like you might suspect from <a href="http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/10/mattel_has_lost_their_minds.php">this ToplessRobot article</a>, but it is very real and apparently very collectible as evidenced by <a href="http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=MTT3285">this Entertainment Earth product page.</a><br /><br />I'm cool with whatever Mattel wants to do with Barbie & Ken, but i I ever hear about a "South Beach Rough Trade Action Ken" or a "Las Vegas Glory Hole Barbie," I'm gonna vomit a little in my mouth.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-62025227309260315062009-09-27T15:15:00.008-04:002009-09-28T21:34:53.940-04:00Note to Mssrs. Seagal, Chan, Jagger, Stallone, West et. al - FUCK OFF.It doesn't take a Jedi Master to trick someone into buying shit they don't need. Sad to say, but celebrity endorsements or celebrity driven products do well enough and then hopefully plummet like the stars that wanted/needed their third rate shit to sell.<br /><br />Here are a few examples:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Steven Seagal:</span> This once proud and imposing action star has been reduced to a reality show that's been mired in legal issues even before it airs. He may be a bona fide martial arts master, but he is also a black belt in douchebag.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/Sr_LSNk_xaI/AAAAAAAAAHM/6u6zACJ1OyA/s1600-h/lightningbolt-cans.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 245px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/Sr_LSNk_xaI/AAAAAAAAAHM/6u6zACJ1OyA/s320/lightningbolt-cans.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5386247193101321634" /></a><br />Dude - "Asian Experience?" Shouldn't that be "Long Island/Staten Island Guido Wannabe Experience?" <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Jackie Chan:</span> I used to like his movies, but then it became apparent to me that while Jackie Chan may not be a mean-spirited cunt (see above), he has taken so many shots to the head to actually believe that he's a great singer. He also needs to be beaten into a permanent state of retardation just for agreeing to star in "The Kung Fu Kid," a remake of "The Karate Kid." He went from international action star to international house bitch. He's also <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001ELL3EQ/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B001E5E13C&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=13BQ4TFZXTDPPWSDT3ZY">selling his own line of instant green tea</a> If you go to that Amazon.com link, the funniest bit isn't Jackie Chan selling green tea - it's the "Customers Who Bought This Also Bought" section. Instant chicken soup, green tea, sweat bands, gummi bears, cheddar cheese soy crisps, beef jerky, and toilet paper. Man, if that's not a pothead's shopping list, I don't know what is.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Kanye West:</span> I never liked this douchebag, but when he lost his shit on MTV recently (and if you need a link for that, please do us all a favor and die in a fire), I was forced to look back on this floating loaf. Where the fuck would he have been without Daft Punk's "Harder Better Faster Stronger?" I thought Sean Combs was the worst talentless bitch who kept biting off of other artists, but I was wrong. Oh yeah, Kanye West has<a href="http://www.kanyetravel.com"> his own travel agency.</a> <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Rolling Stones:</span> These rock & roll legends need to go back to roots, and by that I mean composting themselves. When is the last time you remember a NEW Rolling Stones track hit the airwaves instead of being used to hawk Kahlua, greeting cards, and other sundry bullshit? <br /><br />Don't worry, I'll wait for your answer. <br /><br />But apparently The Rolling Stones weren't rich enough, so they decided to hawk <a href="http://www.rollingstonesicewine.com/">their own fucking wine</a>. They're not as greedy as The Beatles, and I for one would love to have Mark David Chapman given early release to whack Paul and Ringo. Fuck those greedy cunts.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sylvester Stallone:</span> The cast list for his new movie "The Expendables" reads like a who's who of action star legends - real and film: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Randy "The Natural" Couture, Antonio Rodrigo "Minotauro" Nogueria, and shitloads of cameos. The plot isn't really going to matter. There will be better plots in Arlington, but Stallone is milking his once good name for more flicks and more HGH. The ironic thing is that he has his own line of sports nutrition supplements, "InStone." Yeah, I'm gonna buy supplements from a guy who freely admits to using Human Growth Hormone. He even had 'high protein pudding" in different flavors presumably selected to appeal to people who eat pudding. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have anything to do with Sylvester Stallone's high protein banana cream pudding.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-24641157946542574302009-09-06T21:45:00.002-04:002009-09-06T21:51:19.056-04:00Stank Like ShatnerThis is taking licensing a wee bit too far.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SqRmDdC3LzI/AAAAAAAAAHE/1PTC8gB11nY/s1600-h/Shatner.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SqRmDdC3LzI/AAAAAAAAAHE/1PTC8gB11nY/s320/Shatner.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5378536064509488946" /></a><br /><br />Usually Star Trek geeks (myself included) are sticklers for detail and authenticity, but there's no way in Hell I'd want my b.o. to remind people of the rutting Canadian man beast known as Shatner.<br /><br />I found this lovely little gem on <a href="http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=GK59559">Entertainment Earth.</a><br /><br />This is going to set a dangerous precedent for licensed goods. Do we really need to see the possibility of a "There's Something About Mary" hair gel?Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-45857069262094716692009-08-23T18:34:00.006-04:002009-08-23T20:10:59.655-04:00Vegan Ginger Prawn Stir FryMy gf and I had just finished off <a href="http://www.nyc.gov/html/dot/summerstreets/html/home/home.shtml">Summer Streets NYC '09,</a> and afterward we went to <a href="http://www.vegieworld.com/index.asp">May Wah Healthy Vegetarian</a> in Chinatown. It's a little bodega sized vegetarian oasis, and they have a wide selection of vegetarian and vegan groceries. Most of their selections are mock meats, and so far I've been very pleasantly surprised by the quality and price. We got a bag with mock chicken slices (dehydrated), mock beef chunks (dehydrated), vegetarian grilled eel, and vegetarian prawns - all for $16.00. With rice and veggies, that's a week of dinners for us. Last night we had the vegetarian grilled eel over leftover rice, and that was damned tasty. Tonight, I tried something more inventive. Keep in mind that I don't have all that much experience with Asian cuisine or at least stir fry dishes. I wanted it to come off as close to conventional stuff as possible. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SpHRdbzkYxI/AAAAAAAAAG8/SMEGocQh_Hk/s1600-h/082309Dinner.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 198px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SpHRdbzkYxI/AAAAAAAAAG8/SMEGocQh_Hk/s320/082309Dinner.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373306134040175378" /></a><br /><br />3 cups Forbidden Rice<br />6 garlic cloves<br />1 package <a href="http://www.vegieworld.com/cart/product_pages.asp?id=580">vegetarian prawns</a><br />1 green bell pepper<br />1 purple onion<br />1 can sliced water chestnuts<br />1 can bamboo shoots<br />soy sauce<br />miso paste<br />ginger<br />red pepper flakes<br /><br />While the rice is cooking, dice up the bell pepper and onion. Set that aside in a bowl. Mince the garlic. Mix about 1/3rd the minced garlic in with the rice as it's cooking. Put the rest of the minced garlic in a small bowl. Cut up the vegetarian prawns. I did them in thirds, but I probably should have cut them smaller. Heat up a wok. Pour in some extra virgin olive oil and the minced garlic. Spoon in some miso paste. Stir it up a bit and pour in some soy sauce. While that's heating up, grate some ginger into the wok. Throw in a pinch or two of red pepper flakes. Toss in the prawns, and coat them with sauce. Then toss in the veggies. You may need to pour in a little bit more oil. Evenly distribute the prawns, sauce, and veggies. Next toss in the water chestnuts and the bamboo shoots with the water in the cans. This will help cut down on the saltiness. Stir everything up, and let the sauce reduce for about 10 minutes or so.<br /><br />Serve over rice.<br /><br />Serves 4Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-30267128450355778842009-08-21T22:18:00.004-04:002009-08-21T22:40:37.874-04:00Asshole Litmus TestA friend of mine on an abolitionist animal rights forum recently encountered a bunch of assholes on Facebook because they posted 35 reasons for going vegetarian. It was disheartening to my friend, and I said that vegetarianism was one of those volatile issues that will polarize people and reveal your true friends from detritus filling your life. <br /><br />I called it an Asshole Litmus Test, and I thought to expand upon that concept. As a fierce individual, I have a lot of shit I believe in and a lot of shit I simply won't budge on. I remember trying to date some friend of a friend, and unbeknown to me, that chick went to an old friend of mine and asked what kind of person I was. They responded, "There are two kinds of people. Those that don't know him, and those that would take a bullet for him. You have to figure out which one you are." I nearly cried on the spot when he told me this. <br /><br />The maturity of your friends will be partially measured in what or how far they are willing to accept you in spite of what they don't agree with. However, you may grossly overestimate your friends, and while it may be disillusioning to see a friend revealed to be a real bunghole.<br /><br />This is a work in progress. This helps me to determine if I should not return their calls, ignore them, or slap them so hard they hit the pavement. This list is in no particular order of importance. Just what came to mind.<br /><br />Can I take them in a fair fight?<br />Can I take them in an unfair fight? (i.e. armed, unethical strikes, etc)<br />Are there police around? (Public disturbances are subject to being served a summons)<br />Do I need to associate with them directly?<br />Do I need to associate with them through friends, family, and/or loved ones?<br />Do they owe me anything?<br />Do I owe them anything?<br />Are they diametrically opposed to what I believe in? <br />Are they assholes about it?<br />Are they inebriated?<br />Are they in need of medical assistance not caused by self-destructive conditions (over-eating, inebriation, etc)?<br />Can I distract them with pornography, shiny objects, and/or flatulence?<br />Can I ignore them?Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-4730308611806723442009-08-18T14:28:00.004-04:002009-08-18T14:53:22.608-04:00May Robert Novak's Infernal Torment Be EpicAs recent visitors to my little corner of the blogverse have seen, I am a vegan. I love to cook, and I have a deep abiding respect and awe for nature's majestic beauty. This does not mean that I am incapable of hatred. <br /><br />For as long as I have lived in Bethesda, I have had to endure a smarmy group of Washingtonian gasbag pundits known as "The McLaughlin Group," a roundtable discussion of hot button topics in the news from columnists inside the Capital Beltway. The group is led by John McLaughlin, a Jesuit who left his order to become a speech writer and advisor to US President Richard M. Nixon. He also supported the Vietnam War. There were many McLaughlin Group alums I'd love to see tortured in extremely criminal and pornographic ways. Charles Krauthammer, Carl Rowan, and Republican homunculus Pat Buchanan should all be assraped for a very long time, but <a href"http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/18/robert.novak.obituary/index.html">Robert Novak?</a> Whoo boy, where to begin? <br /><br />I don't care if he died after brain cancer. Whoopee-fucking-doo for him. Boo hoo for his family. He was speeding in his Corvette <a href="http://thingunderthebed.blogspot.com/2008/08/robert-novak-karma-is-royal-bitch-isnt.html">when he ran over an 86-year old pedestrian.</a> He tried his damnedest to get away, but a civic-minded bicyclist prevented him from getting away until the cops came. He outed Valerie Plame, a CIA deep cover operative after her husband, a US Ambassador, bitched about Bush Administration policy. His dirty tricks back in the 1972 US Presidential election cost George McGovern the election, and it gave us more Nixon, more Vietnam, and oh yeah - WATERGATE. <br /><br />According to Dante Alighieri's <i>The Divine Comedy,</i> the lowest part of Hell, the 9th Circle is reserved for traitors to their family, their country, their guests, and to God in that order. I hope that Robert Novak enjoys eternity in the 9th Circle of Hell. He fucking well deserves it.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-6263716903486138772009-08-02T08:57:00.002-04:002009-08-02T09:00:06.548-04:00Osu, Zombie Sensei!<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1cOxlhpoHAg&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1cOxlhpoHAg&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />I almost wish I could understand what was going on, but I'm not screwing with art.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-45810314387042928162009-08-01T11:52:00.003-04:002009-08-01T12:07:52.897-04:00Vegan Organic Ginger Lemon Pancakes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SnRk-TtEQtI/AAAAAAAAAG0/8V5dLags4b8/s1600-h/Breakfast.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 170px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SnRk-TtEQtI/AAAAAAAAAG0/8V5dLags4b8/s320/Breakfast.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5365024077709066962" /></a><br /><br />I got the idea for this from my girlfriend's reaction to <a href="http://thingunderthebed.blogspot.com/2009/07/vegan-ginger-lemon-crusted-tofu-with.html">part of this recipe.</a> She really liked the coating on the fried tofu, and I thought it had been a long time since I had pancakes, so I thought to cobble something together.<br /><br />1/2 cup organic cornmeal<br />1/2 cup organic whole wheat flour<br />1/2 cup organic all purpose flour<br />1 tsp baking powder<br />1 tsp salt<br />1/2 cup organic sucanat<br />1 cup organic vanilla soy yoghurt<br />Juice & pulp from 1 large organic lemon<br />Organic ginger (to taste)<br />Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil<br /><br />Mix the dry ingredients together in a bowl. Grate some ginger in (not a lot - maybe 1/2 tbsp at the least), and add the lemon juice & pulp. Mix in the yoghurt and a little oil. <br /><br />Add some oil to a non-stick frying pan. I know, it sounds redundant, but I rarely trust non-stick pans when it comes to pancakes, and the oil makes the pancakes crispier. Heat up the frying pan and add some batter. You'll more than likely have to spread the batter out in the pan. Flip the pancake with a spatula once the edges get crispy and bubbles start to appear. <br /><br />This recipe makes 4 big ass "You better do some friggin' road time to burn these off" size pancakes. Serve with vegan soy butter and syrup.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-62553265143890493182009-07-21T15:00:00.007-04:002009-07-21T15:22:19.978-04:00Cheap Organic Sprouts (in a week)My gf and I love getting a wee plastic tub of fresh sprouts from the grocery store, but the cost can be kind of bad. Nutritionally, there's more in a small bin of sprouts than a big ass bowl of salad. I've seen sprouting kits online, and after a bit of trial and error, it's rather easy to go from this <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SmYRXgDx-yI/AAAAAAAAAGk/MYtRbvOAWUs/s1600-h/SproutSalad2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SmYRXgDx-yI/AAAAAAAAAGk/MYtRbvOAWUs/s320/SproutSalad2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5360991501871610658" /></a><br />to this<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SmYRkWma8VI/AAAAAAAAAGs/lqSvSGOfnl4/s1600-h/SproutSalad1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 314px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SmYRkWma8VI/AAAAAAAAAGs/lqSvSGOfnl4/s320/SproutSalad1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5360991722670846290" /></a><br />in about a week. <br /><br />This is all you're gonna need:<br />1.5 tbsps of organic seed mixture<br />4" square of organic cheesecloth<br />1 stout rubber band (I found the kind used to bunch up celery works best)<br />1 20 oz mason jar.<br /><br />Getting good organic sprouting seeds doesn't require boocoo money. In fact, even if you do this often enough, you'll get really good sprouts for a fraction of what they'd cost in hoity toity health food stores. Just go to amazon.com and type in "Organic sprouting seeds." <a href="http://www.wheatgrasskits.com">Wheatgrasskits</a> has a great selection as well.<br /><br />Put the seeds in the mason jar. Cover with the cheesecloth. Secure it tightly with the rubber band. The cheesecloth should be taut, or else this isn't gonna work. Soak the seeds for the first night (about halfway will be good). Drain the seeds in the kitchen sink, and fill with water. Drain again slowly and leave the jar tilted slightly (resting against something like the wall) or in the sink. You don't want the seeds to completely rest against the cheesecloth. It's there to provide a permeable barrier for oxygen and water. If the cheesecloth is obscured completely, the sprouts will go bad or won't grow at all. You'll need to keep it somewhere dark or out of direct sunlight for about the first 3 - 4 days. Every day, you'll need to fill the mason jar with water, and drain carefully a few times a day. This allows the seeds to evenly get air and water.<br /><br />After about 2 days, you should notice that the seeds have begun to sprout. After about 4 days, you should see the sprouts grow considerably, and you may see some leaves. After about 4 - 5 days, keep the jar of sprouts on the windowsill (but still tilted). You'll still need to fill the jar with water and drain the seeds. After about a week's time, you have a jar full of super duper tasty sprouts.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7941940768866356862.post-68426848276749715722009-07-18T18:53:00.005-04:002009-07-18T19:28:00.660-04:00Vegan Ginger Lemon Crusted Tofu with Forbidden Rice & Veggies<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SmJaMRGH_JI/AAAAAAAAAGc/QvRetkxEccQ/s1600-h/Dinner071809.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 184px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4hkZ42jgHyo/SmJaMRGH_JI/AAAAAAAAAGc/QvRetkxEccQ/s320/Dinner071809.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5359945673318333586" /></a><br />This was dinner tonight. It wasn't as hard to make as you'd think, and while I'd love to provide more accurate details, I played it by ear.<br /><br />For the batter:<br />Organic corn meal (fine grain)<br />1 Organic Lemon<br />Organic Ginger<br />3 Cloves of Organic Garlic<br />Organic Agave Syrup<br />Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil<br />Habanero based hot sauce (to taste)<br />Red Pepper flakes<br /><br />Organic Tofu<br /><br />3 cups organic rice<br />1.5 tbsps vegetable soup mix<br /><br />Few Cloves of Organic Garlic<br />1 Organic Green Bell Pepper<br />1 Organic Purple Onion<br />A pinch of sea salt<br />Soy Sauce to taste<br /><br />Drain the tofu and slice into 6 equal pieces. Lay them carefully in a towel & wrap a couple times to absorb the water.<br /><br />Put the vegetable soup mix in with the rice before cooking. Depending upon the soup mix, it may clump, so whisk together with an egg beater. Start the rice in a cooker. <br /><br />Juice the lemon into a mason jar using a tea strainer to catch the pulp & the seeds. Throw out the seeds, and add the juice & pulp to a bowl. Grate a fair amount of ginger root into the bowl. Add the corn meal (I used about 3 tbsps) and oil. Mix in a few drops of really good hot sauce & a pinch of red pepper flakes. Dice the garlic and add in along with the agave syrup. Use the syrup sparingly. You want the batter slightly sweet - not cloyingly so. The same could (and should) be said about the hot sauce. You want a little heat - not hellfire.<br /><br />While the tofu is drying out, dice a few small cloves of garlic & set aside in a small bowl. Dice the green bell pepper & the onion. Fry up the diced garlic in a flat pan along with some olive oil. Toss in the diced bell pepper & onion. Fry the veggies lightly & add in a wee bit of salt and soy sauce. Transfer the veggies to a bowl, and add more oil to the pan for the tofu.<br /><br />Unwrap the tofu. Dip each piece in the batter and fry until both sides are nicely browned. You may have to add more batter to the tofu as it will not stick like conventional egg-based batter.<br /><br />Serve with the veggies over rice.Seoul Brotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17031844816924482123noreply@blogger.com0