Mighty Saku the Weed Wacker

This is Sakuraba Kazushi, one of the most loved and respected mixed martial arts fighters of all time. He is known as "The Gracie Hunter" for having fought and defeated some of the most feared fighters in the Gracie family. He is goofy and brings a wonderfully lighthearted sense of humor to a decidedly brutal sport. He also has some incredible moves, and if you get the chance, I'd highly recommend you look for DVDs of the early Pride F/C matches he fought in.

When my girlfriend and I got our first guinea pig, we thought long and hard about what to name him. We didn't want to go with the usual cutesy crap, and it dawned on me. Saku. Trust me, it fits the lil guy's personality, and I would hope that Sakuraba-san would approve.

This is clip of Saku going medieval on some organic dandelion greens. So far he nibbles away at most anything, but lordamighty, he inhaled the weeds.



Cute lil booger, isn't he?

Never Kick Someone When They're Down. Get Them in a Kimura

Lord I try and be chivalrous, and there are paragons that I aspire to, and rather than give in to the obvious temptation to kick a beeyatch when she's down, make an object lesson out of them. A painfully elaborate and Tarrantino-esque object lesson. The kind of object lesson that ED-209 was used for in the beginning of "RoboCop." Gov. Palin Twinkie, this is for you in earnest hopes that you make the most of your community college education and settle into a life of a truck stop waitress. Lord knows you are not nearly as sophisticated as Sen. Ted Stevens, and look where that moron is headed. I know damned well that he's not going to get cornholed in prison along with the other CONVICTED FELONS, but we can hope his ass becomes the Bridge to Nowhere, eh?

While I am not a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu student, I and my girlfriend are mixed martial arts enthusiasts and have followed Pride, K-1, UFC, and other promotions avidly. One of the most feared moves is the Kimura lock (gyaku ude-garami). There's a particularly nice illustration of it at Grapplearts. I'm dying to take a practical martial art like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and I can only imagine how much pain and damage something like this would do to an opponent. Let's unleash a figurative Kimura (or even better yet - a Crucifix) on Gov. Twinkie so the dumb bitch is reduced to a blubbering mess. Gov. Twinkie has not elected to take the high road, nor has she proven that she can take simple orders or abide by her position in the election. I would like to believe that Sen. McCain is capable of some of the steaming bullshit campaign promises he's put forth, but this guy makes Ronald Wilson Reagan look brilliant.

And Reagan thought Ketchup was a vegetable. By the way, did you know that if you rearrange the letters in "Ronald Wilson Reagan," you can spell "Insane Anglo Warlord?"

So, let's do to Gov. Twinkie what the Allied Forces did to Omaha Beach. Attacking her because of her children and their shortcomings is not cool. The kids are obviously of flawed character, and while it would be easy to use her kids as political liabilities, that does not address the fact that if Sarah Palin is a dumb fucking parasite in public office. I would be happier than a pig in shit if she were removed from public office and became as relevant to American politics as Lyndon Larouche.

Sarah Palin is about as sophisticated as a Stuckey's Pecan Log. A bipartisan panel found her guilty of abusing her power. The dumb bitch tries to cry foul and use the 1st Amendment as a defense against criticism. Umm... no bitch, The 1st Amendment doesn't protect that. A humanities and liberal arts education does, but then again, she wouldn't know much about education. Walking around in a one piece bathing suit and fuck-me pumps, yes. Shooting an animal with a high powered rifle and a scope from an elevated and advantageous position, yes. Understanding the application of that festering mass between her ears? Hell fucking no.

Take a look at this list of her highlights from Who Sucks. Certainly it is incomplete, but I hope that if this dumb bitch thinks she's ready to step into the political arena Octagon, then she should be ready to receive the asswhooping of her life.

I'm NOT with Stupid

Before I get started, I feel it important in the interest of full disclosure that I was not the best overall student, nor had I made the most of my academic promise. I feel I owe a great apology to my parents for fighting and working to provide me with all the opportunities and support they could muster. I am not a simpleton (angry or otherwise), but I am certainly not everything I could be. Mom & Dad, sorry about that.

With less than 30 hours before the next US Presidential election, you may wonder why I would start off with such a personal confession. I strongly believe that my familiarity with failure gives me a painfully sharp perspective on why it is vitally important to make sure that we as a nation take a firm stance prohibiting fucking morons from public office. It's one thing to squander your resources. It's a different and worse thing altogether to fuck over generations of people because of your shortcomings.

Sen. McCain's campaign has often made attacks on Sen. Obama's character portraying him as elitist with great aspirations but little experience and great shortcomings. Let's take a look at Sen. McCain, shall we? He is a 3rd Generation US Naval Officer. Both his father and his grandfather were 4 Star US Navy Admirals. There is only one rank higher than that, and it is reserved for use in formal war. With that kind of military pedigree, John McCain's career in the military should have been idiot-proof, but Johnny was that rare idiot who could fuck up a family dynasty. McCain entered the US Naval Academy as a legacy with a golden ticket. Out of a class of 899, he held a class rank of 894. There were only 5 people more inadequate than him. His early career as a Naval Aviator is marred by a partying reputation as well as crashing twice and colliding with power lines.

While his time as a POW in the Vietnam War is well known, what isn't terribly well known is that while he suffered two broken arms and a broken leg prior to capture, the only reason he received medical care during his beatings and interrogation was that the North Vietnamese had learned that his father was a top US Naval Admiral. If it weren't for his family, he wouldn't be puttering around today.

Throughout his 25 years in the US Congress, he has had many achievements and many scandals including voting against the creation of a federal Martin Luther King, jr. holiday, being one of the infamous "Keating 5"during the Lincoln Savings & Loan scandal, and of his North Vietnamese captors, he said "I hate the gooks." He was adamantly unapologetic... up until it dawned on his wizened noggin that gee, maybe Asian-Americans might be offended at his blatant racism, and that might hurt his chances for a run at the Oval Office.

Sen. McCain has distanced himself from this gaffe and while Irwin Tang wrote about this episode in his book Gook: John McCain's Racism and Why It Matters," I have to seriously question whether or not we need someone with such gross shortcomings of judgement in a decision making position that could and has affected the lives of others. In short, this racist motherfucker shouldn't have been let out of the Hanoi Hilton. He wouldn't be anywhere if it weren't for his family and his rich trophy wife.

But rather than focus on a racist idiot like Sen. McCain, I want to focus on this stigmata of a well-educated person as an elitist in this country. Why is it that a man who graduates from Columbia University, works for the New York chapter of the Public Interest Research Group, and graduates from Harvard Law School magna cum laude an elitist? He fought to get to where he is,and he didn't have two generations of family history to fall back on. Sen. Obama may not have 25 years of time in the US Congress, but given the state of the Nation today, is that really so bad? I have lived through the roughest 8 years of my life with a sub-standard (and that's being generous) simpleton in the Oval Office. Why is it that we praise the individual who kicks ass and takes names on the gridiron, racks up trophies and Super Bowl rings, and we call the individual with a slew of academic achievements a nerd? When's the last time being a nerd was a good thing?

I genuinely think that what this nation needs right now is a President who is smarter than his cabinet instead of the other way around. We need not only President Obama, but more people like him who have shown a passion for excellence and civic pride and duty.