Tuesday, August 18, 2009

May Robert Novak's Infernal Torment Be Epic

As recent visitors to my little corner of the blogverse have seen, I am a vegan. I love to cook, and I have a deep abiding respect and awe for nature's majestic beauty. This does not mean that I am incapable of hatred.

For as long as I have lived in Bethesda, I have had to endure a smarmy group of Washingtonian gasbag pundits known as "The McLaughlin Group," a roundtable discussion of hot button topics in the news from columnists inside the Capital Beltway. The group is led by John McLaughlin, a Jesuit who left his order to become a speech writer and advisor to US President Richard M. Nixon. He also supported the Vietnam War. There were many McLaughlin Group alums I'd love to see tortured in extremely criminal and pornographic ways. Charles Krauthammer, Carl Rowan, and Republican homunculus Pat Buchanan should all be assraped for a very long time, but Robert Novak? Whoo boy, where to begin?

I don't care if he died after brain cancer. Whoopee-fucking-doo for him. Boo hoo for his family. He was speeding in his Corvette when he ran over an 86-year old pedestrian. He tried his damnedest to get away, but a civic-minded bicyclist prevented him from getting away until the cops came. He outed Valerie Plame, a CIA deep cover operative after her husband, a US Ambassador, bitched about Bush Administration policy. His dirty tricks back in the 1972 US Presidential election cost George McGovern the election, and it gave us more Nixon, more Vietnam, and oh yeah - WATERGATE.

According to Dante Alighieri's The Divine Comedy, the lowest part of Hell, the 9th Circle is reserved for traitors to their family, their country, their guests, and to God in that order. I hope that Robert Novak enjoys eternity in the 9th Circle of Hell. He fucking well deserves it.

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