Friday, October 3, 2008

Memo to Mrs. Palin: It's pronounced "NEW-KLEE-ARE"

I must be some kind of masochist, because I watched the US Vice Presidential Candidate debate last night. I didn't mind the rhetoric being slung back and forth. You have to expect a high degree of bullshit in any electoral debate. What I mind is the quality of bullshit from the Republican candidate, Gov. Sarah Palin. On virtually every question she tried her damnedest to deflect attention from her inability to respond capably and divert attention with 1979 vintage Republican hyperbole-drenched bullshit. Remember - 1979 was a very good year for Republican bullshit. She tried to appear approachable and familiar and yet brash and iconoclastic.

That load of bullshit may have worked when Reagan was about to bitch slap the Carter Administration, but it sure as Hell isn't going to work now. To prove my point, watch the debate over again, but this time under the framework of a drinking game:

1) Gov. Twinkie pronounces "Nuclear" as "Nuke-U-Lar:" 2 Drink
2) Gov. Twinkie says "looking forward" (or some variation thereof): 1 Drink
3) Gov. Twinkie says "Maverick:" 2 Drinks
4) Gov. Twinkie refers to her gubernatorial or her mayoral experience: 1 Drink

By the end of the debate, I guarantee that you will be more fucked up than any 3 blocks of the St. Patrick's Day Parade.

With all due respect to Gov. Twinkie, I say this: Bitch, SHUT THE FUCK UP. Trying to pull a Jedi Mind Trick in trying to respond to a question with a non-sequitur only works if you're a Jedi Master and not a dried up old whore. The only thing she proved was that Rednecks don't just have to come from the South. The fact that this Twinkie has a chance of being a heartbeat away from NORAD launch codes scares the shit out of me.

Allow me to end with this: In 2006, the same year Twinkie took office as Governor of Alaska, "The Amazing Mrs. Pritchard" premiered as a television series on BBC One. It would reach US audiences via PBS the following year. Jane Horrocks (arguably best known for her role as "Bubble" on "Absolutely Fabulous") played Rosamund Jane Pritchard, a supermarket manager who runs for public office and improbabaly becomes the British Prime Minister. She is saddled with a jackass husband and a daughter who is wildly out of control and a great embarassment to Mrs. Pritchard. Sound familiar? "The Amazing Mrs. Pritchard" was a brilliant series that died an ugly and undeservedly early death, but taken as a de facto miniseries, it is eerily apropos.

Gov. Twinkie, you are NO Mrs. Pritchard.

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