Sunday, March 7, 2010

Super Godfather Fighter Turbo!

I remember when Electronic Arts released their first game based on Francis Ford Coppola's movie series, "The Godfather," Coppola himself shit a brick in protest bitching about it being too violent, yadda yadda yadda.

Firstly, I strongly feel that Francis Ford Coppola is a huge fucking bitch, and I would love precious little more than to bludgeon his ass with a lead pipe, and that's before I'd get creative with his suffering.

Secondly, I'm assuming that one of the reasons he may have bitched about the game was the money he stood to make off it in terms of licensing.... unless he didn't stand to receive a piece of the action in licensing deals in which case he's free to disparage the game because he doesn't stand to make all that much dough from it. Marlon Brando's last work was literally for "The Godfather" video game. That's one Hell of a "va fangu" to Coppola's "artistic vision."

Thirdly, the movie series was incredibly violent for its time. Carlo Rizzi getting a royal asswhooping, Sonny getting perforated on the Causeway, Moe Greene getting shot through the eye - what was that, fucking Sunday School? I guess the Bonnano family (upon whom the book and subsequent movies were based) ruled the Mafia with hugs and kisses, right?

Finally, Coppola's vision of Mario Puzo's epic crime novel The Godfather was a bastardization of the source material. The first two movies were great, but it's a little known fact that there was a shitload of finished footage (75 minutes worth) that Coppola hacked out of "The Godfather, Part II." This footage was re-edited AT COPPOLA'S BEHEST (while he was filming "Apocalypse Now") He did this in order to make a television version of "The Godfather" to raise money for "Apocalypse Now" which was apparently insanely over budget. The first two movies were re-edited chronologically from when young Vito Andolini left Sicily to Michael Corleone pondering what's left of his family empire. While this was a wonderful achievement, it was still a tribute and reinterpretation of Mr. Puzo's original novel. You may wonder why this re-edit hasn't seen release in ages (outside of being on Bravo every now and then). I'm guessing it's because NBC may have a stake in the home video rights, and they're not playing ball. Any claim Coppola wants to make about being true to the source material is rendered fucking moot by his own greed.

I would like to see Coppola squirm and bitch even more with a Godfather fighting game. None of this "work your way up the Corleone crime family chain of command" shit. I mean an honest-to-God fighting game like Capcom's "Street Fighter" and Bandai Namco's "Tekken" series. Between the three movies, there's a shitload of main and ancillary characters. You might have to prove yourself by training against Al Neri, Sal Tessio, Rocco Lampone, Michael's unnamed bodyguard, and the formidable Luca Brasi. You could pit Sonny against Carlo Rizzi - AGAIN. Mamma Corleone could beat the fuck out of Fredo with a rolling pin. How weird (and yet oddly satisfying) would it be to have young Peter Clemenza fight "Fat" Clemenza? I'd love to see Apollonia Vitelli Corleone unleash her Sicilian rage against Kay Adams Corleone. There could be handicapping like if Connie Corleone got to fight Carlo Rizzi, she could have a 25% - 50% power bonus (tough shit Carlo. That's what you get for cheating on your wife and beating her). If by some randomization Mary Corleone had to fight Vincent Mancini, she'd fuck him afterwards.

But most of all, I'd like to see a gang beating of Mary Corleone Sofia Coppola.

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