Screw Thanksgiving

I'd like to say worse about Thanksgiving right away, but I guess it wouldn't do to title my latest rant, "FUCK THANKSGIVING." Allow me to explain.

I'm a first generation American, and proud of it. My folks came to this country to study and make a better life. Through a lot of hard work they got a good life. My pop worked his ass off, and he died to give me a better life than what he could have had if he had stayed in Korea. A little over 14 years ago, my pop passed away from a protracted battle with Colo-Rectal cancer. I saw that once proud man die by inches. He passed away on 21 November 1996 - a few days before Thanksgiving.

When I was a college freshman in 1985, I had to go to a local hospital for a check up. Simon's Rock of Bard College is a small liberal arts school in the Berkshires, and they didn't have the facilities, so I had to take a van ride to get sorted out. On top of that, I was 16 at the time (don't ask), so driving a van was not in question. An older student named Kevin Hodges drove me there, and his girlfriend drove on the way back. Unfortunately on the way back to campus, there was a serious accident. If I had been sitting 6 inches to the right, my head would have been cleaved in two by the guard rail that impaled the van. I was knocked unconscious and when I came to, I saw that Kevin was knocked out of the van. I later found out that he had been DOA with a big hole in his aorta. That was on Thanksgiving. On top of that, right after I came to, it took about 15 minutes before someone stopped to see if they could help. There's a van impaled on a fucking guard rail, and nobody stopped for 15 minutes. I guarantee you - Thanksgiving has had a whole different meaning for me since then, but even before the accident, Thanksgiving didn't mean shit to me.

As a kid, I lived in lots of different places where there weren't a whole lot of people who looked like me. I assimilated fairly well wherever I lived, however, but holidays like Thanksgiving always pissed me the fuck off. Let me get this right - a group of white people try to escape religious persecution in Europe and head off for the new world. They settle in an area completely ill-equipped to survive and depend upon the kindness of those who lived there. In return, these people raped, pillaged, and decimated these natives. They started a culture of bum-rushing natives off the land they had, but they were kind enough to leave them with tasty smallpox and other treats.

And I'm supposed to celebrate this by eating a fucking turkey, pumpkin pie with marshmallows, cranberry sauce, and shitloads of other stuff that I normally wouldn't eat any other time of the year? I'm supposed to eat like a fucking pig when people are starving around the world? FUCK and NO. Even before I went vegan, I never liked turkey. My mother is a great cook (no matter how much I kid her) but she never liked preparing turkey. I grew up thinking that most people ate turkey during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now if you like eating turkey throughout the year, that's one thing, but it's pretty goddamn mean spirited to go out of your way to whack a bird and eat it when you normally wouldn't just because it's part of some bullshit tradition. On top of that, it's fucking stupid. I'm not helping celebrate a bunch of hypocrites as part of a cultural tradition almost 4 centuries old that has NO bearing on my life. I don't remember there even being a lot of Koreans on the Mayflower. If Miles Standish was Miles Kim or Miles Chung, then I could see how some might see a connection between Koreans, turkey, and giblet gravy, but nope. Not my fucking ancestors, not my fucking tradition, and don't shove that horseshit down my throat.

After all I've been through, I'm thankful every goddamn day I'm above ground. I'm thankful for my girlfriend Dawn, my friends, my mother, and my pets. I don't need some bullshit holiday to remind me of that.

Organic Vegan Buckwheat Noodle Tofu Salad

I was debating what to title this. It's not really Thai, but I suppose it's "Thai-inspired." It's incredibly easy to make, but you'll need to get things in order to pull it off quickly.

N.B. Ingredients should be organic whenever possible. The only thing I wasn't able to find organically was the toasted sesame oil.

INGREDIENTS:
1 package Buckwheat Noodles (three bundles)
Non-emulsified peanut butter
3 large green onions
1 handful curly parsley
1 large lemon
1 large carrot
4 cloves garlic
ginger (to taste)
chili powder (to taste)
1 pound extra firm tofu
salt
fresh basil

NOTES: The peanut butter I used was organic from Woodstock Farms. It was non-emulsified with a layer of oil on top. This means you'll have to stir it up in the jar before using. It also usually means that this kind of peanut butter will be a wee bit looser than conventional peanut butter (great for sauces, but not as great for a PBJ sammich). I've also found that it's a bit looser than freshly-ground peanut butter.

DIRECTIONS:
Heat up a wok, but do not add oil. Dice the tofu and sear the tofu until crispy. Stir every now and then to prevent sticking to the wok. While the tofu is cooking, Put about three big heaping spoonfuls of peanut butter in a mixing bowl. If I had to guess, I'd say use about 2/3rds of a cup. Juice the lemon and remove the seeds. Mix that into the peanut butter. Add the toasted sesame oil. Add salt, chili powder, and freshly grated ginger to taste. This mixture should have the consistency of a thick sauce, so you may need to add more toasted sesame oil. When the tofu is crispy, place it in a bowl to cool.

Start boiling water for the noodles in a large pot. While you're waiting for the water to roil, mince the garlic and add to the sauce. Grate the carrot and mince the parsley and green onions. Add to the sauce along with the tofu. Mix together. Boil the buckwheat noodles for a few minutes until al dente. Drain, and then soak for about a minute in ice cold water. Drain again. Return noodles to pot and then mix in the sauce. Roughly chop up a couple handfuls of fresh basil and add.

Serves 4.

Vegan Ginger Prawn Stir Fry

My gf and I had just finished off Summer Streets NYC '09, and afterward we went to May Wah Healthy Vegetarian in Chinatown. It's a little bodega sized vegetarian oasis, and they have a wide selection of vegetarian and vegan groceries. Most of their selections are mock meats, and so far I've been very pleasantly surprised by the quality and price. We got a bag with mock chicken slices (dehydrated), mock beef chunks (dehydrated), vegetarian grilled eel, and vegetarian prawns - all for $16.00. With rice and veggies, that's a week of dinners for us. Last night we had the vegetarian grilled eel over leftover rice, and that was damned tasty. Tonight, I tried something more inventive. Keep in mind that I don't have all that much experience with Asian cuisine or at least stir fry dishes. I wanted it to come off as close to conventional stuff as possible.



3 cups Forbidden Rice
6 garlic cloves
1 package vegetarian prawns
1 green bell pepper
1 purple onion
1 can sliced water chestnuts
1 can bamboo shoots
soy sauce
miso paste
ginger
red pepper flakes

While the rice is cooking, dice up the bell pepper and onion. Set that aside in a bowl. Mince the garlic. Mix about 1/3rd the minced garlic in with the rice as it's cooking. Put the rest of the minced garlic in a small bowl. Cut up the vegetarian prawns. I did them in thirds, but I probably should have cut them smaller. Heat up a wok. Pour in some extra virgin olive oil and the minced garlic. Spoon in some miso paste. Stir it up a bit and pour in some soy sauce. While that's heating up, grate some ginger into the wok. Throw in a pinch or two of red pepper flakes. Toss in the prawns, and coat them with sauce. Then toss in the veggies. You may need to pour in a little bit more oil. Evenly distribute the prawns, sauce, and veggies. Next toss in the water chestnuts and the bamboo shoots with the water in the cans. This will help cut down on the saltiness. Stir everything up, and let the sauce reduce for about 10 minutes or so.

Serve over rice.

Serves 4

Asshole Litmus Test

A friend of mine on an abolitionist animal rights forum recently encountered a bunch of assholes on Facebook because they posted 35 reasons for going vegetarian. It was disheartening to my friend, and I said that vegetarianism was one of those volatile issues that will polarize people and reveal your true friends from detritus filling your life.

I called it an Asshole Litmus Test, and I thought to expand upon that concept. As a fierce individual, I have a lot of shit I believe in and a lot of shit I simply won't budge on. I remember trying to date some friend of a friend, and unbeknown to me, that chick went to an old friend of mine and asked what kind of person I was. They responded, "There are two kinds of people. Those that don't know him, and those that would take a bullet for him. You have to figure out which one you are." I nearly cried on the spot when he told me this.

The maturity of your friends will be partially measured in what or how far they are willing to accept you in spite of what they don't agree with. However, you may grossly overestimate your friends, and while it may be disillusioning to see a friend revealed to be a real bunghole.

This is a work in progress. This helps me to determine if I should not return their calls, ignore them, or slap them so hard they hit the pavement. This list is in no particular order of importance. Just what came to mind.

Can I take them in a fair fight?
Can I take them in an unfair fight? (i.e. armed, unethical strikes, etc)
Are there police around? (Public disturbances are subject to being served a summons)
Do I need to associate with them directly?
Do I need to associate with them through friends, family, and/or loved ones?
Do they owe me anything?
Do I owe them anything?
Are they diametrically opposed to what I believe in?
Are they assholes about it?
Are they inebriated?
Are they in need of medical assistance not caused by self-destructive conditions (over-eating, inebriation, etc)?
Can I distract them with pornography, shiny objects, and/or flatulence?
Can I ignore them?

Vegan Organic Ginger Lemon Pancakes

I got the idea for this from my girlfriend's reaction to part of this recipe. She really liked the coating on the fried tofu, and I thought it had been a long time since I had pancakes, so I thought to cobble something together.

1/2 cup organic cornmeal
1/2 cup organic whole wheat flour
1/2 cup organic all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup organic sucanat
1 cup organic vanilla soy yoghurt
Juice & pulp from 1 large organic lemon
Organic ginger (to taste)
Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Mix the dry ingredients together in a bowl. Grate some ginger in (not a lot - maybe 1/2 tbsp at the least), and add the lemon juice & pulp. Mix in the yoghurt and a little oil.

Add some oil to a non-stick frying pan. I know, it sounds redundant, but I rarely trust non-stick pans when it comes to pancakes, and the oil makes the pancakes crispier. Heat up the frying pan and add some batter. You'll more than likely have to spread the batter out in the pan. Flip the pancake with a spatula once the edges get crispy and bubbles start to appear.

This recipe makes 4 big ass "You better do some friggin' road time to burn these off" size pancakes. Serve with vegan soy butter and syrup.

Cheap Organic Sprouts (in a week)

My gf and I love getting a wee plastic tub of fresh sprouts from the grocery store, but the cost can be kind of bad. Nutritionally, there's more in a small bin of sprouts than a big ass bowl of salad. I've seen sprouting kits online, and after a bit of trial and error, it's rather easy to go from this

to this

in about a week.

This is all you're gonna need:
1.5 tbsps of organic seed mixture
4" square of organic cheesecloth
1 stout rubber band (I found the kind used to bunch up celery works best)
1 20 oz mason jar.

Getting good organic sprouting seeds doesn't require boocoo money. In fact, even if you do this often enough, you'll get really good sprouts for a fraction of what they'd cost in hoity toity health food stores. Just go to amazon.com and type in "Organic sprouting seeds." Wheatgrasskits has a great selection as well.

Put the seeds in the mason jar. Cover with the cheesecloth. Secure it tightly with the rubber band. The cheesecloth should be taut, or else this isn't gonna work. Soak the seeds for the first night (about halfway will be good). Drain the seeds in the kitchen sink, and fill with water. Drain again slowly and leave the jar tilted slightly (resting against something like the wall) or in the sink. You don't want the seeds to completely rest against the cheesecloth. It's there to provide a permeable barrier for oxygen and water. If the cheesecloth is obscured completely, the sprouts will go bad or won't grow at all. You'll need to keep it somewhere dark or out of direct sunlight for about the first 3 - 4 days. Every day, you'll need to fill the mason jar with water, and drain carefully a few times a day. This allows the seeds to evenly get air and water.

After about 2 days, you should notice that the seeds have begun to sprout. After about 4 days, you should see the sprouts grow considerably, and you may see some leaves. After about 4 - 5 days, keep the jar of sprouts on the windowsill (but still tilted). You'll still need to fill the jar with water and drain the seeds. After about a week's time, you have a jar full of super duper tasty sprouts.

Vegan Ginger Lemon Crusted Tofu with Forbidden Rice & Veggies

This was dinner tonight. It wasn't as hard to make as you'd think, and while I'd love to provide more accurate details, I played it by ear.

For the batter:
Organic corn meal (fine grain)
1 Organic Lemon
Organic Ginger
3 Cloves of Organic Garlic
Organic Agave Syrup
Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Habanero based hot sauce (to taste)
Red Pepper flakes

Organic Tofu

3 cups organic rice
1.5 tbsps vegetable soup mix

Few Cloves of Organic Garlic
1 Organic Green Bell Pepper
1 Organic Purple Onion
A pinch of sea salt
Soy Sauce to taste

Drain the tofu and slice into 6 equal pieces. Lay them carefully in a towel & wrap a couple times to absorb the water.

Put the vegetable soup mix in with the rice before cooking. Depending upon the soup mix, it may clump, so whisk together with an egg beater. Start the rice in a cooker.

Juice the lemon into a mason jar using a tea strainer to catch the pulp & the seeds. Throw out the seeds, and add the juice & pulp to a bowl. Grate a fair amount of ginger root into the bowl. Add the corn meal (I used about 3 tbsps) and oil. Mix in a few drops of really good hot sauce & a pinch of red pepper flakes. Dice the garlic and add in along with the agave syrup. Use the syrup sparingly. You want the batter slightly sweet - not cloyingly so. The same could (and should) be said about the hot sauce. You want a little heat - not hellfire.

While the tofu is drying out, dice a few small cloves of garlic & set aside in a small bowl. Dice the green bell pepper & the onion. Fry up the diced garlic in a flat pan along with some olive oil. Toss in the diced bell pepper & onion. Fry the veggies lightly & add in a wee bit of salt and soy sauce. Transfer the veggies to a bowl, and add more oil to the pan for the tofu.

Unwrap the tofu. Dip each piece in the batter and fry until both sides are nicely browned. You may have to add more batter to the tofu as it will not stick like conventional egg-based batter.

Serve with the veggies over rice.

Vegan Buckwheat Soba Noodle Salad

After getting the packaged buckwheat noodle salad sold in plastic bins at Whole Foods & Health Nuts, I thought to try my kung fu. This is more or less raw & organic.

1 8oz package of organic buckwheat soba noodles
1 1/3rd cups organic Arame seaweed
2 organic carrots
4 organic scallions
1/3rd (or so) organic purple onion
1/2 a bunch of organic parsley
1/2 cup organic TVP (textured vegetable protein)
1 1/2 tbsps organic chia seed
Organic ginger
Organic sesame oil
Seasoned rice vinegar
salt

Crush the arame seaweed and soak in fresh cold water for about 20 min. While that's soaking, finely dice the scallions, parsley, & onion. Combine in a large bowl. Grate the carrots and toss that in as well.

The seaweed should have doubled in volume. Drain, but save the water in a separate bowl. Toss the rehydrated seaweed in the bowl of chopped veggies. Use the seaweed water to rehydrate the TVP. That should take about another 20 - 30 min. Grate some ginger into the veggies, and add the seasoned rice vinegar and sesame oil to taste. There should be very little water left over from rehydrating the TVP. Use that and a wee bit more water to rehydrate the chia seeds. Start boiling water for the noodles.

Once the water is boiling, reduce heat a wee bit and cook the noodles on medium - high for about 6 min. Drain in a fine mesh colander and wash with cold water a couple times. Add the noodles to the veggies and toss. You may need to add some more oil, vinegar, and salt to taste.

Questions About the Undead

I generally don't cotton to what's commonly referred to as "torture porn," a modern Horror film genre that seems to rely more on shock and gore as opposed to characters. Eli Roth has carved out a reputation for himself with his tasty li'l nugget "Hostel," and apparently he's been keen on making a zombie movie.

Now I fuckin' love zombies (no, not like that). While I love Zack Snyder's remake of "Day of the Dead," I have no respect or appreciation for George Romero's zombie movies. They suck. Don't get me started about that bloated ass-clown of a director. The only movie of his I really liked was "Monkey Shines." That movie was friggin' hilarious. But enough about that jackass.

While there's probably no chance that I'm gonna rush out to see "Hostel" or any of Mr. Roth's filmography, I'm really looking forward to one of his upcoming projects, "Trailer Trash." It can be summed up with three basic questions:

1) What do zombies eat? (People - duh)
2) What happens when you smoke pot? (You get the munchies)
3) What would happen if zombies smoked pot? (Oh Blessed Mother of God)

While I eagerly look forward to "Trailer Trash," it got me to thinking about zombies.

1) What would happen if a zombie bit a vegan?
2) Is it possible for a zombie to be bulimic?
3) If conjoined twins (joined at any part other than the head) were attacked by a zombie, would both become the undead? Would one twin attack the other?
4) Two words: coprophilic zombies (Yes, I know there's something wrong with me)
5) How fuckin' cool would it be if a zombie bit into The Duggar family?
6) If a zombie bit into Dubya, would that give the zombie the shits, and how could you actually tell if Dubya was a zombie?

I ask questions about stuff like this on a regular basis. Sober.

Damnit, I'm Trying.

I remember waiting for the bus having picked up some groceries, and I saw something that pretty much made me sick. Some guy was wearing a replica Michael Vick Atlanta Falcons jersey walking down the street.

I hope to God he got the stink eye from a bunch of people. I'm grateful that this jackass didn't bump into me, because even in the middle of the day in public with witnesses, I would have made him eat his jersey shortly before giving what appeared to be his common-law wife/baby momma/sister/girlfriend an object lesson of what happens when you indiscriminately allow anyone to poke your cooter.

Out of respect to my girlfriend (who is eminently more grounded and less hot-headed than me), I made a vow to her and to myself not to pick a fight. I wouldn't go out of my way to start some petty bullshit, but I am more than willing to finish the fight. This jackass was sorely testing my beliefs, but then I had to hope that Karma would smack his punk ass hard.

Another time I was crossing the street right by our apartment building, and some dumb bitch was jaywalking and in the way. I barreled through her, and she expressed her indignance and shock. I retorted by flipping her the bird and telling her to go fuck herself. Regardless of where you are, if you don't abide by public safety and traffic laws, you'd be lucky if the least of your problems is a Korean telling you in plain language what to do with various parts of your anatomy.

The best part of this is that she was a diplomat (or at least some fucking jackass tourist who arrogantly doesn't know better) and had the bearing and stature that we should all get out of her way. On top of that, she pretty much followed me. I went to a nearby bank to make a deposit, and after I was done, she was waiting for me. She said something to the effect of "Didn't you know I was pregnant?" I responded with "Bitch, I don't care, and I didn't fuck you." Luckily for her sake, she walked away.

I tell you all of this because I'm trying my best to be compassionate towards all living creatures. As a vegan, I have vowed to avoid all animal products including leather, silk, and honey much less alone food. I still have some leather and silk, but once that wears out, I ain't getting any more of that crap. I'm trying to lead by example and help other people understand that there is a better way to leading one's life, and using animal products is not it. I believe that compassion towards animals will lead not only to a healthier life, but to a healthier world. How can you not want that? I'll go into some personal details and how veganism has helped me in another posting.

There's an old saying, "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig." You can help people only so far as they are receptive to listening to you, and one thing I have to do is to try and be as diplomatic as possible as well as trying to understand the psychology and frame of mind of the other person. Generally it is worth it, but what's deeply troubling is when you can't help those closest to you because they're too pig-headed. You can hope for the best, but if you can't help those who need it the most, try and help someone - or something.

But one thing I've always lived by is never, NEVER take shit from anyone. If someone is going to give you shit, make damned sure that person and others know what happens when they fuck with you. Unfortunately, life doesn't always present you with this opportunity to respond, and more often than not, you carry around a lot of anger & bad karma like back fat & muffin tops. Even if you're working out like Lance Armstrong, just try and get rid of that kind of flub. The best thing to do is to just drop that shit toot sweet. Move on.