Never Kick Someone When They're Down. Get Them in a Kimura

Lord I try and be chivalrous, and there are paragons that I aspire to, and rather than give in to the obvious temptation to kick a beeyatch when she's down, make an object lesson out of them. A painfully elaborate and Tarrantino-esque object lesson. The kind of object lesson that ED-209 was used for in the beginning of "RoboCop." Gov. Palin Twinkie, this is for you in earnest hopes that you make the most of your community college education and settle into a life of a truck stop waitress. Lord knows you are not nearly as sophisticated as Sen. Ted Stevens, and look where that moron is headed. I know damned well that he's not going to get cornholed in prison along with the other CONVICTED FELONS, but we can hope his ass becomes the Bridge to Nowhere, eh?

While I am not a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu student, I and my girlfriend are mixed martial arts enthusiasts and have followed Pride, K-1, UFC, and other promotions avidly. One of the most feared moves is the Kimura lock (gyaku ude-garami). There's a particularly nice illustration of it at Grapplearts. I'm dying to take a practical martial art like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and I can only imagine how much pain and damage something like this would do to an opponent. Let's unleash a figurative Kimura (or even better yet - a Crucifix) on Gov. Twinkie so the dumb bitch is reduced to a blubbering mess. Gov. Twinkie has not elected to take the high road, nor has she proven that she can take simple orders or abide by her position in the election. I would like to believe that Sen. McCain is capable of some of the steaming bullshit campaign promises he's put forth, but this guy makes Ronald Wilson Reagan look brilliant.

And Reagan thought Ketchup was a vegetable. By the way, did you know that if you rearrange the letters in "Ronald Wilson Reagan," you can spell "Insane Anglo Warlord?"

So, let's do to Gov. Twinkie what the Allied Forces did to Omaha Beach. Attacking her because of her children and their shortcomings is not cool. The kids are obviously of flawed character, and while it would be easy to use her kids as political liabilities, that does not address the fact that if Sarah Palin is a dumb fucking parasite in public office. I would be happier than a pig in shit if she were removed from public office and became as relevant to American politics as Lyndon Larouche.

Sarah Palin is about as sophisticated as a Stuckey's Pecan Log. A bipartisan panel found her guilty of abusing her power. The dumb bitch tries to cry foul and use the 1st Amendment as a defense against criticism. Umm... no bitch, The 1st Amendment doesn't protect that. A humanities and liberal arts education does, but then again, she wouldn't know much about education. Walking around in a one piece bathing suit and fuck-me pumps, yes. Shooting an animal with a high powered rifle and a scope from an elevated and advantageous position, yes. Understanding the application of that festering mass between her ears? Hell fucking no.

Take a look at this list of her highlights from Who Sucks. Certainly it is incomplete, but I hope that if this dumb bitch thinks she's ready to step into the political arena Octagon, then she should be ready to receive the asswhooping of her life.

Memo to Mrs. Palin: It's pronounced "NEW-KLEE-ARE"

I must be some kind of masochist, because I watched the US Vice Presidential Candidate debate last night. I didn't mind the rhetoric being slung back and forth. You have to expect a high degree of bullshit in any electoral debate. What I mind is the quality of bullshit from the Republican candidate, Gov. Sarah Palin. On virtually every question she tried her damnedest to deflect attention from her inability to respond capably and divert attention with 1979 vintage Republican hyperbole-drenched bullshit. Remember - 1979 was a very good year for Republican bullshit. She tried to appear approachable and familiar and yet brash and iconoclastic.

That load of bullshit may have worked when Reagan was about to bitch slap the Carter Administration, but it sure as Hell isn't going to work now. To prove my point, watch the debate over again, but this time under the framework of a drinking game:

1) Gov. Twinkie pronounces "Nuclear" as "Nuke-U-Lar:" 2 Drink
2) Gov. Twinkie says "looking forward" (or some variation thereof): 1 Drink
3) Gov. Twinkie says "Maverick:" 2 Drinks
4) Gov. Twinkie refers to her gubernatorial or her mayoral experience: 1 Drink

By the end of the debate, I guarantee that you will be more fucked up than any 3 blocks of the St. Patrick's Day Parade.

With all due respect to Gov. Twinkie, I say this: Bitch, SHUT THE FUCK UP. Trying to pull a Jedi Mind Trick in trying to respond to a question with a non-sequitur only works if you're a Jedi Master and not a dried up old whore. The only thing she proved was that Rednecks don't just have to come from the South. The fact that this Twinkie has a chance of being a heartbeat away from NORAD launch codes scares the shit out of me.

Allow me to end with this: In 2006, the same year Twinkie took office as Governor of Alaska, "The Amazing Mrs. Pritchard" premiered as a television series on BBC One. It would reach US audiences via PBS the following year. Jane Horrocks (arguably best known for her role as "Bubble" on "Absolutely Fabulous") played Rosamund Jane Pritchard, a supermarket manager who runs for public office and improbabaly becomes the British Prime Minister. She is saddled with a jackass husband and a daughter who is wildly out of control and a great embarassment to Mrs. Pritchard. Sound familiar? "The Amazing Mrs. Pritchard" was a brilliant series that died an ugly and undeservedly early death, but taken as a de facto miniseries, it is eerily apropos.

Gov. Twinkie, you are NO Mrs. Pritchard.