Robert Byrd is a Racist Moron, but He's Right

To quote the great philosopher Larry the Cable Guy, "Lord, I do apologize."  I've had just about all I can take with Michael Vick, and while I made a conscious effort to try and reign in my usual levels of profanity, I just don't give a fuck.  If this offends you, I'm genuinely sorry, but I hope you see the strength of my convictions.  

That having been said, I want to hurt Michael Vick in a way the dumb fuck will understand: take away his money. This asshole has a history of displaying the kind of behavior one would expect from a common thug. In March, 2005, he knowingly gave Herpes Simplex 2 to a woman without telling her. On November 26th, 2006, he had flipped the bird with both hands. He made some lame-ass apology, and the NFL fined him $10,000. On January 17th, 2007, he had hesitated in giving up a water bottle at Miami International Airport. He eventually gave it up. It had a hidden compartment that may have had drugs in it, but the bottle and Vick were cleared. His excuse was that the bottle was something he used to hide his jewelry. Riiiight. This isn't lockdown, and he doesn't have to keister stuff to avoid inspection or theft.

He has enjoyed a shitload of money coming from both a lucrative NFL contract worth $130 million over 10 years with a $37 million dollar signing bonus, but from endorsment deals with companies like Nike, EA Sports, Kraft, Coca-Cola, and Rawlings. He was ranked 33 in Forbes Top 100 Celebrities in 2005. Vick is such a dumb fuck that his own behavior had caused all but Nike to drop his ass. He's still rich, and he's living proof that a dumbass with money is still a dumbass. His recent criminal indictment could change all that, and he is not only facing serious accusations and potentially equally serious jail time, He is surely going to be branded as a pariah in the public's eye. There are simply somethings you do not do. NEVER fuck with children, and NEVER fuck with animals. As Nike has stated, Vick deserves the same rights of due process as would befit any US Citizen, and his day in court will come. It's gonna cost him a shitload in legal fees, because it's going to take a fucking miracle worker to make him look like anything but an evil, malicious punk-ass bitch.

Currently The Humane Society is the only organization running an online letter writining protest to Nike to plead with them to drop Michael Vick. You can sign it here. Pass it along to everyone you can. Michael Vick may get his day in court, but make damn sure Nike knows that as long as they continue to do business with him, it's going to cost Nike a shitload in lost revenues.

You want proof of how fucking evil Michael Vick is? Take a look at Diane Jessup's site. She's passionate about Pit Bulls, There's a shocking section with photos of the victims from dog fights. You can click on it here, but be warned - it's truly fucked up. I'm still in tears from seeing it, but it MUST be seen.

Now getting to Robert Byrd.

As you can imagine, this has generated a shitstorm of protest. One voice has been that of Sen. Robert Byrd. Senator Byrd is the longest serving US Senator,...and he's also a former Klansman. He didn't attend a few rallies or make a couple of off-color jokes - he is a heinous motherfucker. He has gone on record in 1945 that the reason he dodged the draft in WWII was that he didn't want to fight alongside blacks. It's ok, he worked as a ship welder instead of defending the US. In 1964, he filibustered for 14 hours against the Civil Rights Act. He's voted against Thurgood Marshall and Clarence Thomas, the two African-American Supreme Court Judges. As of March 2001, he made a lame-ass apology that using the word "nigger" may have offended people. I don't give a dry fuck if he's sorry. He continues to make lame-ass apologies, and he continues to say and do shit that's unequivocably racist and stupid. He's a racist motherfucker, and it says a lot about the people of West Virginia that they would continue to elect the same racist goober to the US Senate or not fight enough to get the asshole out of office. I am simply stunned that this racist motherfucker continues to live off taxpayers' dollars, and yet he is right about Michael Vick. Dog fighting is barbaric.

I am really uncomfortable about the fact that I have to agree with a cornpone-eating, banjo-playing former Klansman like Sen. Byrd.

I sincerely wish I could take the moral high ground and hope he sees the error of his ways, but I truly want to fucking cave in Michael Vick's skull in front of his family. I want him to die in ways that the Marquis de Sade would describe as "fucked up." I hope Michael Vick dies alone, destitute, and criminally insane with nobody to care for him and his only activity to pass the time being "Connect the Dots" with the track marks up and down his body.

What Would Frank Castle Do about Michael Vick?

This has been one of the hardest things for me to write about. I love animals. For any number of reasons - health, environmental, compassion - I have tried my damnedest to give up eating m meat or for that matter using anything harvested from an animal. This isn't exactly easy, but it is without question the compassionate thing to do.

I love a good barbeque. I was raised on a Korean dish called Bulgogi - thinly sliced, marinated beef. Give me some of that, rice, steamed bean sprouts, and some kimchee, and I'm happier than a pig in shit. But I'm trying to give that stuff up. Rather than get on my soapbox about why it's the right thing to do, I wanted to say that I am trying to do the right thing. So, when I see some stunningly evil piece of shit like Atlanta Falcons' Quarterback Michael Vick and what he's done to dogs, I have to think, "What would Frank Castle do?"

Frank Castle is one of my heroes. I know he's fictional, but as Marvel Comics' brutally cold and righteous anti-hero The Punisher, he does what we'd all love to do. Go ahead. Click on the link. I'll wait.

When we see someone who runs a criminal enterprise for years as well as knowingly infecting a woman with Herpes Simplex 2, what do you think someone like Frank Castle do? Michael Vick not only bet on dog fights, he (along with 3 other assholes) set up "Bad Newz Kennels" on his 15-acre property (valued at over $700,000) near Smithfield, Virginia. Bad Newz Kennels would bring dogs across state lines to fight in seclusion. On top of that, whatever dogs did not die in matches were executed by gunshot, electrcution, drowning, strangulation, and/or hanging.

On April 25th & 26th, 2007, police had raided his property and found overwhelming evidence including 60 dogs (including pit bulls) scarred up and in generally poor condition. For this alone, he and the three other assholes face $350,000 in fines and up to 6 years in prison if convicted. Additional state charges are being pursued, and this case has generated an overwhelming amount of public protest. I'd love to see Michael Vick and the three other people responsible for this travesty suffer like the same animals they saw suffer. I'd really love to see them die slowly, painfully and loudly. They did this to animals commonly thought of and feared as aggressive and deadly. The sad reality is that domesticated animals like dogs want nothing more than love. A little food, walking, playing, and a hug doesn't cost all that much, and the payback is a buddy for life. Dogs aren't born evil - it takes pathetic losers like Michael Vick to turn them into killing machines. How long will it take those surviving dogs to come to trust people again? Will they ever trust someone to be their buddy?

I can think of a lovely punishment for these guys involving epidurals, strategically placed mirrors, and wood chippers. This not being possible, we need to do whatever we can to make their lives an unending Hell. PETA has a petition that they're presenting to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. You can sign the petition here. Currently Michael Vick is still raking in a lot of dough from his deal with Nike. While the Air Zoom Vick V shoe was scheduled to be released from Nike this summer, they're holding off, and waiting until all he's enjoyed due process to determine if they should sever their relationship with him. This is not good enough. The Humane Society is currently running a petition they're sending to Nike CEO Michael Parker. You can sign it here. Inquire why the ASPCA and PETA aren't running similar petitions.

Make sure that Michael Vick and the rest of the Bad Newz Kennels receive the same compassion they showed dogs.