Super Godfather Fighter Turbo!

I remember when Electronic Arts released their first game based on Francis Ford Coppola's movie series, "The Godfather," Coppola himself shit a brick in protest bitching about it being too violent, yadda yadda yadda.

Firstly, I strongly feel that Francis Ford Coppola is a huge fucking bitch, and I would love precious little more than to bludgeon his ass with a lead pipe, and that's before I'd get creative with his suffering.

Secondly, I'm assuming that one of the reasons he may have bitched about the game was the money he stood to make off it in terms of licensing.... unless he didn't stand to receive a piece of the action in licensing deals in which case he's free to disparage the game because he doesn't stand to make all that much dough from it. Marlon Brando's last work was literally for "The Godfather" video game. That's one Hell of a "va fangu" to Coppola's "artistic vision."

Thirdly, the movie series was incredibly violent for its time. Carlo Rizzi getting a royal asswhooping, Sonny getting perforated on the Causeway, Moe Greene getting shot through the eye - what was that, fucking Sunday School? I guess the Bonnano family (upon whom the book and subsequent movies were based) ruled the Mafia with hugs and kisses, right?

Finally, Coppola's vision of Mario Puzo's epic crime novel The Godfather was a bastardization of the source material. The first two movies were great, but it's a little known fact that there was a shitload of finished footage (75 minutes worth) that Coppola hacked out of "The Godfather, Part II." This footage was re-edited AT COPPOLA'S BEHEST (while he was filming "Apocalypse Now") He did this in order to make a television version of "The Godfather" to raise money for "Apocalypse Now" which was apparently insanely over budget. The first two movies were re-edited chronologically from when young Vito Andolini left Sicily to Michael Corleone pondering what's left of his family empire. While this was a wonderful achievement, it was still a tribute and reinterpretation of Mr. Puzo's original novel. You may wonder why this re-edit hasn't seen release in ages (outside of being on Bravo every now and then). I'm guessing it's because NBC may have a stake in the home video rights, and they're not playing ball. Any claim Coppola wants to make about being true to the source material is rendered fucking moot by his own greed.

I would like to see Coppola squirm and bitch even more with a Godfather fighting game. None of this "work your way up the Corleone crime family chain of command" shit. I mean an honest-to-God fighting game like Capcom's "Street Fighter" and Bandai Namco's "Tekken" series. Between the three movies, there's a shitload of main and ancillary characters. You might have to prove yourself by training against Al Neri, Sal Tessio, Rocco Lampone, Michael's unnamed bodyguard, and the formidable Luca Brasi. You could pit Sonny against Carlo Rizzi - AGAIN. Mamma Corleone could beat the fuck out of Fredo with a rolling pin. How weird (and yet oddly satisfying) would it be to have young Peter Clemenza fight "Fat" Clemenza? I'd love to see Apollonia Vitelli Corleone unleash her Sicilian rage against Kay Adams Corleone. There could be handicapping like if Connie Corleone got to fight Carlo Rizzi, she could have a 25% - 50% power bonus (tough shit Carlo. That's what you get for cheating on your wife and beating her). If by some randomization Mary Corleone had to fight Vincent Mancini, she'd fuck him afterwards.

But most of all, I'd like to see a gang beating of Mary Corleone Sofia Coppola.

PeTA Protests The Pet Shop Boys, Captain Beefheart is Nervous

Now I love the good work that the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals does. I don't agree with all of their work or some of their tactics, but you have to expect to have differences with any organization. The bottom line is that for the better part, they do great work, and co-founder Ingrid Newkirk's book Making Kind Choices (ISBN 0-312-32993-8) is as broad and inspirational as it is applicable to virtually every facet of life. That book is noteworthy also for its non-judgmental tone. Never once did I get the sense that unless I go "cold turkey" off all animal products, I am as heinous an individual as Michael Vick. Every little step counts, and it's not as hard to go vegan as some might think.

But like I said, I've had problems and differences of opinion with PeTA. I'll go into some of them later, but for now, I have to seriously question what the HELL they're thinking when they protest Neil Tennant & Chris Lowe, aka "The Pet Shop Boys." For those of you who are too friggin' young to remember, The Pet Shop Boys are a 20 years old pop music group with some incredibly catchy yet vapid hit songs. They had hits like "West End Girls," and "What Have I Done to Deserve This?"(with Dusty Springfield) as well as covers of classics like "Always on My Mind."

According to the CNN.com article, PeTA wanted to draw attention to inhumane conditions breeders keep their animals in before they sell them to pet stores. The assumption that can easily be made from this article is twofold: 1) All pet stores get their animals from disreputable breeders, and 2) The pet stores themselves don't take good care of their animals. This is a gross disservice to good pet stores and pet supply stores.

On top of that, what the buggery fuck was PeTA thinking of protesting a 20 YEAR OLD pop music group? Where the Hell was PeTA in 1984 when The Pet Shop Boys released their first album? Were pet breeders that much better back then and were the conditions in pet stores that much better than now, or is this more than slightly fucked up that an animal rights organization would bitch at a music group that's about as relevant as Betamax, New Coke, and HD-DVD? If the last Pet Shop Boys track you remember hearing was their debut hit "West End Girls," AND NOTHING ELSE SINCE, then their relevance is right up there with Laura Brannigan. They could have bitched at a nutty bastard like Captain Beefheart about his name, or they could have bitched at Francis Ford Coppola for actually killing a fucking cow during the filming of "Apocalypse Now," but I can't seem to find anything archived on any news site about Coppola's Viet Nam War epic.

PeTA needs to stop devoting energy to pointless, laughable protests and focus more on winning the hearts and minds of those who can actually change, or else they'll continue to freely give ammunition to those who yearn for the opportunity to deride the good work PeTA does.